Chatting in English Only

I was watching Larry King the other night.  I think it was Aretha Franklin on....not sure however, but I swear I heard her say that before Obama can work his miracles, we have to give him a little time.  LOL....WHAT?  OBAMA CAN WORK MIRACLES? 

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Did anyone else hear or see this?

Continued from Part 6

So my divorce is finally final.  My children and I are living in what we call our “little apartment”.  I have to be honest with you, I loved that little apartment.  It was the first time I felt free!  It was my place!  If David came and broke in to my apartment, I could call the police, and they would have to do something.  His fingerprints would not be found there unless he broke in.  There could no longer be any excuses that he used to live there etc.  I must say, I was still scared living there.  Heck, to this day, I’m still spooked.  For I never truly know what the ex might do or his family. 

Our little apartment was 2 bedrooms.  My children had the largest bedroom, and shared a room.   I had no bed to sleep on, only an air mattress for the first 4 months or so that we lived there.  A friend of my mom’s had a used sofa that was given to me.   My dear friend Janet had some old bedroom furniture she gave me, but no mattresses.  So I blew up the air mattress and slept on it, on the floor, inside the bed frame.  I think I wanted some sort of normalcy in my life lol.  My children still had most of their bedroom furniture from when David and I were married, that I was able to get, but not all.  Also, there was not much room.  They each had their bed and chest of drawers and a few toys.  We had a dining room table and dishes etc. 

I was happy.  It was our place.  No one could take it from us or bully us around, or tell us what to do.  I simply had to get up and go to work and pay for it.  It was up to me…my sole responsibility. 

My children honestly made this all possible.  They are such awesome kids.  My job required me to be at work very early in the morning.  My children were responsible for getting themselves up, fed, dressed, and off to the bus stop on time, every day.  They did this.  Without their help, this never would have been possible. 

One of the few possessions I had when we moved into our little apartment was my computer.  It was one that my friend Frank had pieced together…affectionately nicknamed my Frankenstein computer lol.  This was the same pc from a few years previous that I had met my friend Carrie on while chatting one day.

Again, this computer would change my life.  I later joined match dot com.  They had a special going on for free 30 day trial I think it was.  During this time, I had fun.  I must say, I was not bad looking at all.  I was no where near the fat ugly *itch I had been repeatedly told I was.  I was quite the “hottie” lol.  Too bad I didn’t know it.  But I suppose that kept me grounded lol.

During this free trial, I met a lot of really nice people that I chatted with online.  A couple I would talk to on the phone and I actually went on a couple of dates.  Only one nut I met.  I had a good time with match so I decided to join and pay the fee.  I was on match I suppose maybe 4 months total.

I would come home and my box would be so full of people interested in chatting /emailing etc.  It was overwhelming at times.  I had plenty of men interested in me.  I just wanted to be very picky. 

I titled mine “A lady searching for a Gent” or something like that.  That is what I wanted a gentleman who did not view me as used up material because I was divorced.  I wanted someone who did not see children as “baggage” etc.  I wanted someone who could laugh at life, have fun etc.  I was not searching for a husband, just someone to have fun with at that time.  Remember, I had spent about 4 ½ years trying to get divorced.  The last thing on my mind was finding a husband lol.  I had always said however, if Mr.  Wonderful came along, I would not let him get away. 

I was an old fashioned gal.  I was raised where the guys asked the girls out, and the boys called the girls.  I was not allowed to call boys.  Stupid rule I think, but that was my mom’s rule, and I obeyed…most of the time lol. 

So while on match, I still sort of followed that rule.  I just had my profile there, and had tons of nibbles that was for sure.  But one day, I decided to do a search for myself instead of waiting on Mr. Wonderful to find me.  On match you can search by age, height, hair color, eye color, weight, body type, location etc.  On this particular day, I searched by age and location.  I usually had a preference of height and weight….I didn’t want a bean pole, but I didn’t want someone who could not get out and ride a bike, or hike, camp etc….you had to be in shape.  Not run a marathon or live in a gym, but not be 600lbs. 

I entered my search and the most fabulous profile caught my eye.  It was from a Blue Eyed Pup ad.  He was a very handsome cowboy, wearing a black Stetson hat.  He enjoyed country music, dancing, Vegas,-travel, he worked in the aviation industry (as I do) etc.  He had the most beautiful eyes.  He had two dogs, huskies, thus the blue eyed pup reference.  I sent him an email.  The next day he responded.  We chatted for days, and then finally talked on the phone. 

During one of the kids’ weekend visits with David, my friend Janet and her husband Charles (who routinely saved me from my life of boredom) took me out to Cowboys Red River.  I was talking to the blue eyed pup and decided, let’s meet.  I told him we were going to Red River that night and he should come out and meet me and my friends.  It’s a public place; I’m with lots of people, friends, and other men.  It should be safe right?  Little did I know there would be a theft taking place that night.

So the blue eyed pup described what he would be wearing so that we could find each other and designated a meeting space.  I spotted him right away!  He was talking to someone he knew from work when I saw him for the very first time.  I walked up beside him and waited for him to finish his conversation.  He turned and looked at me.  Our eyes met, and I told him that I was supposed to be meeting someone out here tonight that fit his description.  I said “are you Mike?”  He said “no, but I sure wish I was”.  I was shocked it was not him but smitten with delight over the new guy I had seen.  He laughed and said “yes, he was Mike”.  I laughed too and was soooooooo happy that indeed, he was my blue eyed pup named Mike.  Mike and I spent many many hours on the phone getting to know each other before we had met in person so we were very comfortable with each other.  I just love his southern accent. 

That night, Mike told me if I wanted to dance to any particular song playing, just take him by the hand, I didn’t even have to ask.  He stared into my eyes all night long that night.  We danced every slow song and a few fast ones.  He is an awesome dancer.  He is such a great lead.  I dance so great with him.  He has a different style of dancing that I was not use to but he is so good, I was able to follow easily.  I love dancing with him.  We spent a lot of time talking to each other.  At the end of the night, he stole my heart.  I kissed him good night on the cheek, and I left with Janet and Charles back to my little apartment.  I think I floated home that night.  That was the beginning of a beautiful love story, between myself, and the one I call My Love. 

I had dated quite a bit before I met Mike but only introduced a couple of the men to my kids.  There was no need for my kids to get involved with any of that mess.  Once I knew there was something serious between Mike and I it was time to meet the kids for it was a very serious part of our relationship.  My kids joke and say Mike came home with me one day and never left and pretty much it was like that. 

I have a saying that I teach my kids.  It’s about dating marriage etc.  It’s about cooking that perfect vegetable soup.  If you don’t sample different veggies, you may not know which veggies you want in your soup.  So you have to try them all.  Sometimes you may have to sample the same vegetable a couple of times to know for sure.  I link veggies and character traits together as an analogy.  You don’t know you like sweet peas until you try them.  So try them then decide.  Well, dating is the same way, kinda.  There were certain traits I knew for sure I was attracted to.  I tried some others, and found out there were other things I liked.  I tell my kids, try all your vegetables…and then, when you are ready to make your vegetable soup, (or get married) you’ll know exactly what ingredients you want.  At this point, I had sampled many veggies, some a few times.  I now knew I was ready to make a big ole pot of veggie soup, and Mike was the main ingredient.  I knew almost instantly, he was the man for me…he was that gentleman I was searching for.  He is the love of my life.  He is all that I had wished true love, happily ever after, and all of that fairy tale carp we are sold as little girls to be.  He is, in fact, my knight in shining armor.  He is the love of my life and I would lay my life down for him in an instant.

Mike and I were married 10 months after we met.  He is my best friend.  I laugh with him, and sometimes at him lol.  We have fun.  He is all of my favorite veggies rolled into one hot steamy bowl of soup.  He’s funny, compassionate, sweet, romantic, outgoing etc. etc. etc.  I could go on for days.  We complete each other’s sentences.  We truly do complete each other.  He is my soul mate.  This April, we will celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary.  Every day I am so grateful to be his wife.  I so want to make this right and I want to make him happy every day.  I stated in my match profile that I wanted to be treated like a queen, put on a pedestal way up high….but I wanted my king right there beside me.  I have that.  We both want to make each other happy.   Wow, what another beautiful gift from God I was sent….and because of the trials and tribulations I had previously experienced, I am able to appreciate the greatness that my husband is.  I only wish I was an even better wife to him, for he deserves the best….I love with every ounce of my being. 

Little did I know a short few months after I met Mike, how my life would be turned upside down, yet again, and the most difficult thing I have ever faced in my life yet to come.

One day while at work, I received a phone call that no one, much less a mother, should ever have to receive.  It was early morning and I was sitting at my desk when the phone rang.  It was my daughter’s school and the counselor was on the other end.  My daughter was in her office and they needed to talk to me. 

You know, if you have ever been in an accident, or witnessed something horrible, time almost stands still.  This moment still plays in my head, over and over and over and over.  Part of these moments I have very detailed memories of and yet others, I don’t even recall doing.  I will share a little of that with you.

My sweet precious baby girl is in her school counselor’s office.  I am told that she was sexually assaulted by her father, David over the summer while visiting for the month during the summer.   This is right before school lets out for Thanksgiving holiday.  I remember hearing the words and having to tell myself to be calm, get the information, and get to school to get my child and not to forget to breathe.  My daughter is crying on the phone.  I feel the life and blood drain from my body.  I somehow get up from my desk and walk to my supervisor’s cube to tell her that I have a family emergency and that I am leaving.  Now I honestly thought I was speaking quietly for not wanting to cause a scene, or share any of this information I have just learned…but apparently what I thought happened at that moment and what really happened was a bit different.  My co workers came and surrounded me and were hugging me.  I can vividly remember one lady, Alice, kissing me on the cheek.   Apparently I was not so quiet.  I got my purse and I left.

  My co workers know my history with David.  Every where I have ever worked, security and everyone is made aware of him and the history for safety reasons.  In my mind, all I can think about is getting to my daughter.  I am driving to the school, crying….bawling my eyes out.  My heart is breaking.  All I’m thinking is my child, my child, my child.  Get to her first, deal with him later.  I receive 2 phone calls from my co workers on the way to the school.  They are checking on me and making sure I am not driving to David’s house.  As I said before, I’ll deal with him later, first I have to take care of my daughter.  On the road, I call the counselor back and ask her what do I do?  I don’t know all of the details at this point of the assault.  I’m still in shock that he is even capable of doing such a thing to our child.  The counselor tells me to call our pediatrician as I do from my cell.  Our pediatrician’s office then tells me to call The Denton County Children’s Advocacy Center.  I call them before I get to my daughter’s school and they tell me to pick her up and bring her straight there.  I get to the school, I don’t remember walking in, I don’t remember what the counselor looked like, I only remember my daughter.  I went to her and hugged her…she is safe now…I have her, and I am never letting her go!  We leave the school and go to the Advocacy Center    http://www.cacdentonco.org/     Here they take my daughter and do a forensic interview and tape her, answer some questions, and quite honestly, I can’t remember much about anything else that trip there.  It’s a blur.  I do know that they offered counseling for my daughter as well as for the family.  I remember when my daughter was finished with her interview and paperwork we did, we left and she told me “Mom, I did not cry during my interview.  I cried enough tears over this already, and I’m not doing it anymore.”  You see, today I found out about this, but my daughter had been living with this horrible secret for months. 

We get home to our little apartment, and my daughter is exhausted.  I am a calm frantic mess.  I am a cool cucumber…in an emergency I stay very calm and take care of business.  I can fall apart later if I need to but take care of things first.  I called Mike at work that day.  My daughter was asleep on the couch so I spoke softly not knowing what she could hear.  I told him we had a bad day.  I didn’t know what to say or how to say it.  At this point, Mike and I have been dating for a couple of months.  I told him something really bad happened.  He asked what, and I would not say then.  He asked if it involved the police and I said yes.  He asked if he needed to leave work right then and I said no.  God how I wished I would have said yes right then.  I needed him so badly…but then I wanted to be focused on my daughter.  After work, Mike got there and my daughter was still asleep.  I was so happy to see him but I was so afraid to see him.

David had caused a lot of problems between me and anyone I was dating.  When Pete and I were dating, he drove a white convertible car.  One day, David actually had a blonde haired man in a white convertible show up at my house yelling and threatening David (who was outside supposedly to drop off the kids) so the neighbors could see.  Then he called the police.  He actually staged this.  My kids were in the background saying no mom, it wasn’t Pete he’s lying.  I knew he was lying because I was with Pete at that moment.  That is only one example of some of the crazy things he did to make my dating life miserable.

So now that I have found the love of my life, I am afraid he will not want to put up with the B.S. from David and leave me/us.  I later found out my daughter thought the same thing.  When I explained to Mike what had happened with my daughter, I told him if he wanted “out” now was the time to do it.  I would not hold it against him and I would not blame him for leaving.  It was a big complicated mess and why would anyone want to deal with such a crazy ex, and such complicated issues.  Mike looked right at me, took my hands and said to me “I’m not going anywhere”.  Why on Earth I ever doubted this man is beyond me.  I should have known that he would not leave us.  He truly is a man of integrity.  Remember, God handpicked Mike for me for a reason.  I finally fell asleep in my recliner, while my daughter was asleep on the couch.  I woke up and heard Mike on the phone with someone.  I went in to my bedroom.  Mike was talking to his ex wife.  They had been divorced for a few years, but were friends.  They have no children.  Mike gets off the phone.  Mike’s ex wife was sexually assaulted by her father as a child.  He was convicted and served prison time for it.  He called her for advice, and later she and I talked.  You see, Mike had already in a round about way dealt with some issues regarding incest, sexual assault etc.  For that mess never goes away.  It’s a part of your life.  You cope with it, and live with it…but it’s never removed.  So God sent me someone who would be patient and compassionate with me and my children regarding this. 

It is amazing how a sexual assault case, me not even being the victim here, can affect your life.  I will not go into any kind of details regarding the case.  I will tell you this.  The advocacy center saved my life, my marriage, my daughter’s life, David’s life, and quite possibly my son.  David’s life was spared because I personally wanted to kill him with my bare hands.  We spent about two years in counseling there.  My daughter received individual counseling as did my son.  Mike and I received parent counseling.  This kind of abuse destroys lives!  I beg of you…if you are ever are affected by any form of abuse, seek help by professionals who specialize in that field.  Rose was our parent counselor.  She is such an incredible woman.  While in counseling, I learned all of the legal lingo, what to expect, not expect legally, behavioral issues to expect with my child(ren)

Here’s a run down of what happens. 

My daughter reported abuse to counselor notifies me, CPS and police.  I notify the center, and forensic police etc. are there.  CPS does an investigation believes there is a crime.  The police investigate, believe there is a crime and go to a judge for warrant.  The judge believes there is a crime, signs warrant for arrest.  After the warrant, David is arrested.  Later, a grand jury convenes and determines if they believe there is enough evidence to warrant a trial.  Our investigator on here was awesome.  I really liked and admired him.  He felt we had a very strong case, as did everyone else.  The verdict of a Grand jury is all sealed by law, with the exception of bill or no bill.  If they bill true, then they believe there is evidence, and we go to trial, if no bill, the case is dropped.  Miraculously, our case was no billed to the shock and disbelief of our counselors, CPS, and the investigators on our case.  The end of the legal system stops here for us.  David had taken a lie detector test given by his attorney.  He refused to take one from our side. (lie detector tests are not used in court because they are not 100% accurate) We were prepared for it to come back with him passing however.  Through our counseling, we knew that many perps pass a lie detector test because in their sick twisted minds they believe what they are doing is okay.  Most people don’t know that.  Try explaining that to your daughter though.   Once again, the system fails us, and David gets away yet again, with something.

 Every step of the way the advocacy center was there for us.  They instructed us on how to receive the funds if we needed them.  There is tons of paperwork to constantly fill out.  There is a way that victims receive compensation as well as the families of the victims through these funds that the criminals pay in to.  Most people don’t know this as well.  When you are convicted, and have a fine, there is a fund allocated for victims.  Part of this money is to help with expenses associated with the crime whether it is crime scene clean up, relocation, counseling, mileage to go to counseling etc.  We chose not to accept it, as we felt there were other families more in need.  We also learned that we could have sued the homeowners insurance where the crime occurred but that would not be punishing David so we decided not to do that.  We also learned through the center that we could go after him in a civil lawsuit where the burden of proof was less.  But emotionally, I could not handle it anymore.  I learned through the center, if we, as parents, focused on revenge, justice and punishment for the crimes committed against our children, our children would not heal.  And that was my main goal, to heal my child. 

During our 2 years in counseling at the center we saw families come and go.  I often asked is there truly going to be a day when I don’t cry over this?  Does it really ever get better? 

We had many peak and valley moments during our time at the center.   It was such a relief to know that every week there were other parents I could go and talk to about my emotions or lack of, and my nightmares that I had nightly.  There were women I could talk to about my love life with my husband.  I didn’t want my husband to touch me because I would see my ex husband and my daughter.  I was determined not to allow David to ruin my daughter’s life and my new life with my new husband.    It was nice to have other people to talk with and to learn from.  I really got so much out of my counseling class every week.  Rose had a saying to new families “We are sorry you are here, but glad you are”.  It’s true.

When our case was first opened with CPS, they recommended that David have no contact with the kids during the investigation.  It’s now been over five years, and we have zero-none-nada-no contact with him or his family at all. 

Our case was officially closed when the Grand jury no billed it, unless new evidence was found.  About a year or so afterwards, new evidence was found….another heartbreak for my children.  My son came forward one night after a late night walk with Mike and told Mike that he witnessed what had happened to his sister.  So for a year and a half or so, my little boy had been walking around with all that bundled up inside of him, never telling a soul.  My heart always was saddened for my son.  He lost his father, grandparents etc too as my daughter did.  But he did not have the hurt and the actual crime committed against him to “get over” losing your family.  Or so I thought.  I often worried about him and how David being there one weekend, and then “poof” David gone affected him.  My son is not one to wear his heart on his sleeve.  But he is my hero just the same.  It took a lot of courage to come forward and say that you knew something very important, but kept to yourself.  He told Mike it was time for him to be a “man” and that’s when he told Mike about it.  I think my son was about 8 or 9 then. 

My son was interviewed but the investigators didn’t take it to the grand jury because my son’s testimony was a bit different then some of the details my daughter stated.  So they were not consistent enough.  I would have loved to have seen David trialed for his crimes against my children.  But my children did not have to face him in court to do it.  This brings me to my third and final charity worthy of getting your hard earned money.

BACA.   http://bacausa.com/  Bikers Against Child Abuse.  Wow, where do I begin?  Let me share a bit about BACA.  BACA is a group of the roughest, toughest, meanest people you would want or not want to meet.  Chances are, if you had to sit next to them, you would get up and move.  They like it that way.  They want you to be intimidated by their appearance.  They are these kids’ guardian angels.  BACA is a nationwide program designed to help children of abuse feel safe.  Many of the BACA members are teachers, judges, police officers, attorneys, etc.  They are upstanding members of our communities.  They just dress the biker part to make the kids feel safe.  Don’t get me wrong…they are bikers!  They all have road names and bikes and when they accept a child into their program they “adopt them” and the child picks out a road name for them and are presented with a leather biker vest with patches and their name on their vests.  My kids’ names are Rebel and Road Monkey.  BACA is an amazing group of people all dedicated to kids. 

Did you know that had we been able to go to court, my daughter would have to face her perp, David, in court?  She would have to sit in front of him alone, without her family?  Yep, that’s right because I would be a witness and would not be allowed in the courtroom.  Children have to do this daily.  They have to face the perpetrator daily.  They have to see him, point at him, and describe in great detail what that monster sitting right there did to them.  Many of these children are threatened with their lives or the life of a family member.  These children are so scared.  That’s how these pedophiles can continue to assault children….the fear they hold over them.  “If you tell anyone, I’ll hurt your mommy” or something like that.  And then to expect a 5 year old to sit in a courtroom full of strangers, across from the one person they hate more than anything?  Are you kidding me?  Here is where BACA comes in.  They can and will actually escort children to court, and sit with them.  The children feel safe because, hey, that have a big bad tough biker on their side ready to kick some tail if that perp messes with them.  It gives these children great comfort in knowing they are safe.  BACA is their private body guard if you will.  BACA has personally escorted my daughter to some football games and places where we thought David might show up.  They are the child’s cheerleader.  They are so amazing!

Every year, we have a camping trip where the whole camp is nothing but BACA from all over Texas and BACA kids.  It’s so great seeing the kids run free, not worrying about a perp lurking around the corner.  I love knowing that everyone there is looking out for my child.  I love knowing that in any city in the USA, I or my kids can call a BACA member for help.  Not only did BACA make my kids feel safe, they made me feel safe.  I get so emotional thinking about these amazing people who give so much of themselves to help my kids and so many others.  I am truly in awe of the kindness of these people.  

My children were adopted into BACA.  They were fearful of retaliation from David and his family.  They were fearful of one day having to face him in court.  Unfortunately we never had that opportunity, but had we gone to court, while I would be forced to wait outside of the courtroom, I have no doubt, whatsoever, that my kids would be in good hands with BACA.  My children know, any person with a BACA patch, is a safe person to go to. 

I encourage everyone to follow the links I have provided to get more information.

http://bacausa.com/

http://www.cacdentonco.org/

http://www.dcfof.org/test.asp

These are 3 charities, which have directly touched my life and those that matter in my life.

They always can use volunteers and donations.  So when you feel like you want to give something back to a worthwhile charity, I encourage you to do so, and think of my favorite charities that saved my life and my children’s lives. 

My life has come full circle.  I learned from the hell I lived with David, what I did not want in a marriage.  I now have a wonderful loving marriage.  Love does not hurt.  Love is beautiful.  My husband Mike fulfills me. 

My daughter and son have grown so much.  My daughter is now attending her first year of college at Texas Woman’s University.  She plans a career in nursing.  She is an incredible young woman.  Any mother would be proud to have her.  She truly does live life to the fullest and dances every day like no one is watching.  She didn’t let her start in life beat her up; she let it make her stronger.  She is a very confident young woman and I wish I could be like her.

My son is almost 15 now.  WOW!  I cannot believe what a handsome young man he has become.  He’s tall, and muscular and just a little hunk!  He, like his sister, is a good student and a good person.  He has good values and is a moral respectable young man.  He too did not let his early start in life beat him up and bring him down.  He has triumphed over it.  He has a wonderful loving relationship with Mike, and he is very close to his sister.  He is a typical teen as in when asked to carry out garbage or unload the dishwasher however lol…but he’s a great kid and I love him to pieces and I am so proud of him. 

On New Years Eve, 2004, Mike and I welcomed our one and only child together.  He just turned 4.  Mike and I had talked about having kids before we got married.  Mike loved kids and wanted kids.  The night before I found out I was pregnant, Mike told me he didn’t want any kids, because he already had 2 and they were all he needed.  I was so happy about that, and yet so sad, because I had a good suspicion that I was pregnant before I took the test.  We joke and say that he was our little souvenir we brought home from our honeymoon.

My life could not be more perfect than it is today.  God truly did answer my prayers that night.  He heard me loud and clear and sent everyone in place to help us.  We truly are a blessed family.  And just think, without all of the hardships we endured, we would not be the people we are today and would not appreciate what we have. 

I look at my life now and sometimes think I am dreaming because it’s too beautiful.  I wake up to a man that I am excited to wake up next to.  I am excited to see him when he comes home from work.  I’m excited to spend time with him.

I get to sit down at my dinner table with my beautiful incredible kids and think wow, I DID THAT! 

My children have thanked me for leaving David and told me how proud they were of me.  WOW! THAT’S BIG!   I am so blessed!  Life is out there, now go live it!   

I have the greatest respect for our men and women in uniform, for our beloved American Flag, the bald eagle, the constitution and The Presidency of the United States of America.

I do not have to agree with everything that he/she does.  I do have to be respectful of that office, as should everyone else.  I do not have to like the person who currently, past or future holds that office, but I do have to be respectful, just as you should. 

This Office deserves respect, and that is what I will give President Obama.  This does not mean I cannot disagree or voice my opinions regarding issues but I will be respectful of the office, for the office, no matter who holds it, deserves respect, until that person does something to lose that respect...and then, it will be the person, not the position, that loses my resepect.

I honestly pray that President Obama can help our country. I also pray that if we do see our country heading down the wrong path, we are wise enough to see it and call it for what it is, and get back on path. 

Hmmm, I wonder how much Obama's suit cost? 

I wonder what kind of cologne he wore and what kind of shoes he wore. 

And that gaudy tacky ring Michelle Obama wore...i wonder who the designer was and how much it cost and who did her make up?

What about those dresses the little girls had on? 

These things were all completely inappropriate!

In times of saving money, spending less, wasting less etc....we are spending an estimated $50 MILLION bucks on this party!  WOW! i don't care who you are that's crazy!

Our country's economy is in really bad shape, so let's go out and spend $50 million to swear in a new President.  That makes a lot of sense, not cents!

Now I realize if you donated $50,000 to the inauguration fund, you "get" 4 tickets....but hey, i wonder what that $50k could have done.  I'm sure it could have helped pay for some road repair, or school books or something! 

Just a glimpse into our future. 

I pray that Obama is successful.  I honestly do.  But I don't think this is starting out so well.  What do you think?

grrrr!

ok...i am wanting a hand gun...one to carry concealed after i get my license maybe even before then.  I have been around guns all my life and fired many but I honestly don't know a whole lot about guns. 

I need one for protection....i have crazy ex husband and lately i have rocked the boat and now i'm a bit nervous.  i had hoped all of that was behind me, but i guess it never really is.

So here is what I need.  ONE shot dead or at least stop them good in their tracks. 

I don't have a lot of money to spend so something not expensive and or a nice used hand gun is ok. 

Maybe gun nut or someone else can give me some sound advice. 

thanks in advance

I thought I'd try to get to know you all a little more.  I often find myself trying to pronounce difficult names and reading people's screen names and email addresses.  I think the names we choose sometimes says a lot about who we are or wish we were.  So I was looking at P00frog 's name and wondered what he meant by picking those numbers and letters?  did he mean poof, i'm a frog? lol...i don't know but I sure would like to know.  Or what about illusionsssssssssssssssssssssssssss and all those dang "s"s we laugh and tease her about.  I think my name is easy to figure out....I chatter...I talk...A LOT!!!!!

So, why did you pick the screen name you have?

Ok, so I just saw the story about the  single mother of 8 (yes 8 kids) who said her house was burgularized and all the Christmas presents were stolen.  This unemployed Mom of 8, sold tamales "to make ends meet".  Now I don't know for sure, but apparently there is good money in making tamales.  Did you hear that list of gifts that were stolen from under the tree?  A couple of mp3 players, including an ipod.  A playstation and some games and clothes.  Wow, that's alot for an unemployed single Mom to have accumulated. 

They stated the crooks even took the time to unwrap the gifts while stealing from their home. 

So here's my question.  Does that sound fishy to anyone? I have never heard of thieves taking the time to unwrap presents. 

It sounds like drumming up media support to get some more free items.  Am I a grinch?  Am I heartless?  Or do I just see things for what they are?

God please forgive me if I am wrong...but honestly in my opinion, it doesn't sound right to me. 

I have been telling the story of a desperate time in my life in the news blogs titled "Why give to a charity".  It is very lengthy.  It deals with my life as an abused wife.  It deals with overcoming it, and how my children and I ultimately triumph over hell.

I talk about trials and tribulations and how they are blessings.  I talk about the miracle that came to me one night.  I talk about the power of prayer. 

I pray that if there is even one person that reads my blogs and needs help, they please ask for it.  Ask me, ask anyone!  There are sooooo many people willing to help.  You will not be a burden on anyone!  I promise.  People get joy out of helping others.  Allow them to help you.  I know you feel ashamed!  I know this!  But don't!  It is not your fault.  Put the blame on your abuser.  I felt embarrassed thinking the person who was suppose to love me more than anyone would turn out to be the monster.  I was so ashamed...my whole marriage was a shamble.  The lie I lived was exposed.  You know what, it didn't matter.  Everyone loves me, and accepted me.  They did not judge me on what he did.  HE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS BEHAVIOR NOT YOU!!!!!!!!  Don't ever forget that! 

If you need any kind of assistance getting out of an abusive relationship, please contact me, a shelter, the police, your family.  That first step is the hardest!  I know, I have been there.  But life is out there.  You should be living, not existing.  I know, I have been there. 

Love does not hurt you!  It does not make you cry.  You are wounded and I want to help you as do many others.  

Give yourself a gift this year.  The gift of Life!  Get out there and start living.  LIFE IS SOOOO BEAUTIFUL ON THE OTHER SIDE!!!  Don't waste another second staying!  It will never ever get better, only worse. 

I pray if anyone....you perhaps....needs help you reach out to someone.  Contact me through this board even.  It took a total stranger that reached out to me through the computer to save my life. 

Merry Christmas everyone!  Remember Jesus is the reason....Please read my last installment if you want some real inspiration about prayer. 

(Continued from part 5)

So I have promised you an amazing finish to my story.  Know this is not a story, but it is my life.  It is the truth, nothing fabricated. 

So after 2 judges and several attorneys I am at the end of the rope.  I am weak, broken, and lost. 

I told you earlier about my friend Melinda.  I told you I had dated her older brother Pete just a few months before I had met David.  As luck/fate would have it, we would reunite again.  I was Pete's first love.  I never knew just how crazy over me he was when we were kids until later in life.  I later bumped into Pete and there was still a great connection 15 years later.  He and I began dating off and on, even though I was still married to David.  Pete claimed himself to be a good Christian man.  One of our first dates was to Prestonwood Church for the magnificent Christmas presentation they would put on.  He kept it as a surprise for me. 

Here's a little background.  I come from a family of preachers.  My great grandfather was known as Preacher Johnson in Paris, Tx.  He started a Masons lodge there too. My fathers and uncles were mason and many in my family were preachers or Church Deacons.  My grandmother was a very religous woman who always reminded us Jesus loves you.  My grandmother was one of those types who left the house to go to church and the grocery store and that was pretty much it.  Before my parents divorced when I nine, we attended a church regularly but I was still just a kid and didn't quite understand the awesomeness of God and Jesus.  That would change.

During that date with Pete, I sat there and watched the story of baby Jesus.  It reminded me of everything I had learned as a kid about Jesus.  I loved the story and I missed Jesus in my life.  David and I went to church one time during our marriage.  So after the program was over (which is fabulous you must see if if you have not) I told Pete that I really really really enjoyed it, and wouldn't mind going back.  So it began.  He and I would attend church on Sundays.  When the kids were home with me on weekends they would go too.  Pastor Graham is such an awesome preacher.  I would be sitting there during sermons and it was like he was speaking directly to me.  I belive he was.  It was like every Sunday, every sermon was specifically built around my life and what was going on in it.  It was during one of these sermons that I learned about trials and tribulations and how they are blessings.  Let me tell you, I am soooooo blessed!  I have seen many of trials and tribulations.  Pastor Graham spoke to me every Sunday.  I went forward and rededicated my life to Christ before they moved from the old location to the new location.  Later, my daughter and I would be baptized together on Mother's Day.  What an awesome gift right?  I was so filled going to church.  I could not believe how everything fit into my life.  It was exactly what I needed when I needed it.  God was in complete control of it all.  He knew what I needed.  He lead me to Pete, who lead me to church with my kids and later my mom would attend too. 

It was during one of these sermons that Jack Graham talked about prayer.  Now don't get me wrong, I believed in Jesus, I know he died on that cross for me.  I get it.  I know who Jesus is and his miracles and all that.  But I was never one to go around quoting the Bible and being a Bible thumper if you know what I mean.  During this particular sermon, Jack Graham preached about prayer.  He said to know it will be done.  Don't harp on it.  Put it in God's "in box" and KNOW that it will be handled.  Don't dwell and doubt it.  He said if you pray about it, have faith and know it will be done.  Ok, point taken.

So a few days later, I'm laying in my bed.  I'm tired.  I'm weak.  My life is going no where.  My divorce is a joke.  The attorneys and the system have failed me and my kids repeatedly.  I'm desperate for help and I get none.  My children continue to suffer and I cannot get any help from anyone.  I spent many sleepless nights thinking and worrying about what is going to happen with my life and my kids.  As I lay in bed, I remember what Jack Graham preached about in church Sunday. 

I climb out of my bed and kneel beside my bed.  I had not done this since I was a child.  I felt this incredible urge however, to do this.  I knelt beside my bed, and placed my hands together to pray.  Just like in the stories where you see children in their pajamas knelt beside their beds.  There I was.  I cried out to God.  "Lord God, I give it all to you!  I cannot handle this anymore.  My life is a mess and I am in desperate need of help.  I give it all to you and I have faith that your will be done.  I put my problems in your "in box" 

It was then that my miracle, my most fabulous, incredible story of my life happens.  I meet God in all his glory!!!!!!!!  Yes, God.  He comes to me....yes ME!!!  He stands behind me while I was knealing and wraps the most comforing loving.....I don't know what to call it....embrace perhaps...around me.  He spoke to me but there was no voice to hear or to describe.  I heard his words but I cannot describe them for I don't know how to.  I guess the easiest way is to say he just placed his voice in my heart.  I know it sounds a bit corny....but it's the truth.  I was then sooooooooooooooo overwhelmed with joy (such an understatement)  I cannot even describe to you.  It was pure elation, happiness, joy, love, laughter etc.  Nothing can describe it.  I giggled and cried and then burst out laughing.  I was soooo overwhelmed with happiness.  It was greater than anything I had ever in my life experienced.  The warmth and comfort of his embrace.  It was like he stood there, and had this big heavy blanket he wrapped around me.  I was so at peace.  I KNEW EVERYTHING WOULD BE OKAY.  He told me so.  He told me not to worry anymore he was in control.  I crawled into my bed and sat there with tears rolling down my face laughing.  It was about 3am.  I picked up the phone and I called Pete to tell him about it. 

God told me it would be okay and it was.  I gave my problems to God and I did not worry any more about my divorce and court and attorneys, or lack of them etc.  That following Sunday, I looked at a schedule for a Bible Study class that morning.  One catches my eye.  It's a Bible Study class for divorced people.  I think that's a good place for me to be.  I need alot of healing in that field.  God leads me to that class.  Pete attends with me as well that Sunday.  While there, we meet the  teacher and his wife.  They are fabulous people.  We attend the same class for the next 2 weeks.  The next Sunday, we spend some talking to the teacher and I tell him what's going on in my life.  I share with him the difficulties that I have had.  The following Sunday we attend class again.  He tells me he has some news for me.  He specifically says "we are gonna get you divorced"  Yep, my Bible study teacher helping me to get divorced.  As it turns out, he was a Federal Probation Officer and he knows people too.  He has a good friend that is an attorney and made some calls.  They give me a number to an Attorney who will take my case for me for basically nothing.  Within two meetings with my new attorney, my divorce is final!  Yes, that's what it took.  An act of God for me to get my divorce!

 I will forever be in debt to those Guardian Angels who helped me.  Carrie, Pete, Jack Graham, Billy and my attorney.  Sad part is, God brought these people into my life and they are no longer a part of my life.  We have all spread out and gone different routes.  Jack Graham still preaches, Billy and his wife moved to another Bible Study class, I think even a different church, Pete and I were planning on getting married and even bought a house, but we didn't.  It was not meant to be for us.  My attorney, who never took any money from me did accept 2 buddy passes for airfaire for he and his fiance.  I am no longer in contact with any of these people even though they had a huge impact on my life.  God brought them all into my life for a specific reason and I am so grateful they were a part of my life. 

I know I did not give justice to the magnicent meeting I had with our God.  A few people I have shared my story with think I am a quack.  I know better.  I wish I could give you the visualization that it deserves but I cannot.  I do not know how to put into words my experience that night.  All I can say is it was God in all his glory.  He was so loving and comforting to me.  He held me and picked me up when I was down and broken.  I didn't even want to live had I not had my children.  He knew I was weak and he saved me.  I was at his mercy.  I don't even know a word that means what I felt that night.  Extreme happiness, joy, excitement, amazement, the worlds most incredible high....I cannot describe it, I don't know the word....perhaps miraculous is the closest I can come up with. 

Just know this, God is there, and he does listen and answers in his own way.  Remember, put it in God's "in box" and let him deal with your problems.  If you ask for help, and have faith in it, it will done if it's God's will.  I know, I lived it!  I had my miracle.

I have one last installment to share in the chronicles of my life....Why give to a charity.  I have been so blessed with amazing people in my life....see, trials and tribulations are blessings because they lead you to other fabulous parts of your life you might never have known.  I met God, in person.  That was my greatest blessing for all the hell we went through, I have my children and some wonderful people and....well, I'll share that with you on the next and last installment!

Merry Christmas everyone!  Have a very safe holdiay!!!!!!!!  Remember, Jesus is the Reason!!!!!!

(Continued from part 4)

During our court date, when I got word that my kids would be returned back to me, we were given our Temporary Restraining Orders (TRO). Honestly I cannot remember if we received them right then, or if they came a few days later from our attorneys.  I can tell you this; our court system truly is a joke.

So we were assigned a male judge in Denton County.  In my TRO, it stated that David was ordered to make our house payment and pay the utilities.  I would be responsible for the rest.  Perfect.  I had no job because I had closed my business down expecting to be moving.  Remember, I had a new job all lined up. I was going to start babysitting again in my home now that we were not allowed to leave the county.  I had no job and no money because the day we sat down to pay the bills, instead of him paying them, he took all the money out of our accounts and left me with nothing.  At this time, David and I had 3 cars, a truck and a boat.  My car I loved. They were all cheap cars, and 2 of them were used when we bought them.  The truck was purchased used to pull the boat with.  One of the cars was an old V W beetle.  I love that car.  David had bought me the beetle as a gift....really, one of those I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you kind of things. 

 He had previously wrecked it while we were out together one night with Rudy.  I had usually always been the designated driver but this night, it was my turn to have a few drinks and not worry about it.  We had gone to play a few games of pool and have a few beers.  Well, it only took about 3 or so for me for the night and I was more than tipsy.  I was not fallen down drunk, but by no means should I be driving.  So David drove us.  We ended up getting in an accident that night.  I was the only one injured.  I broke my ankle in several different places requiring surgery, a 6 inch steel plate and 9 screws total in my ankle.  My bug was wrecked.  It had been parked in our garage for a very, very long time.  Probably 2 years it sat there waiting to be fixed. 

The truck we owned had broken down a few days before all the mess took place and David had not gotten around to repairing.  That's one thing I have to give credit to David for.  He could fix just about anything.  So he drove the truck home from work one day and parked it on the street in front of our house and it never started back up after that.  The other car we had, David had just sold about 3 weeks to all of this happening.  It was the very first car we ever bought brand new.  I guess I should say he bought it, for I knew nothing of it until he drove up in it.  So that left us with a broken down truck, a broken down v w beetle, and one car that ran....my car.  I knew I was leaving David and had tried to encourage him beforehand to work on his truck.  Instead, he chose to work on his great grandfather’s classic car instead.  I could not tip my hand to him that I was leaving him.   But I didn't want to leave him stranded without a car after I left him.  He would drive my car to work while the truck parked out front broken down. 

So when the nice little judge gave us our TRO, it stated that I would have exclusive rights to our house, David would get the one auto that was running at the time-yes, my car, and he was told by the judge to repair one of the vehicles at our house so that I could have one.  Now the vw beetle had no air conditioning, and neither did the truck.  The truck was bought from a co worker of David's.  The former owner of the truck lived in Hawaii while he was in the service, and he brought the truck back with him and David bought it.  Because of the beautiful weather there, no need for A/C.  So I have 2 kids, and a horrible skin problem that gets worse with sweat and stress.  But hey, no problem.  So the judge orders David to repair the car.  I am later sent notice to allow him into the garage to have access to his tools.  He is ordered, as I am, not to remove any property from the house or close any accounts etc. on the TRO.  David clearly does not follow the rules of the TRO.  I leave the garage door open for him to enter and work on the car.  Instead, he comes in and takes all of his tools, and then sneaks into the house (remember I am given exclusive rights to the house) and removes my personal property.  David never repairs the car and I am left with 2 kids and no transportation.

My worst fear happens.  I am stuck at home with two kids no car, and we have a medical emergency.  My son and daughter are playing with each other when my son hits the end of the sofa and breaks his collar bone.  I cannot get him to the hospital.  My guardian angel Carrie is on her way to my house to visit for the weekend.  I call her on her cell phone and thankfully, she's only about 20 minutes away.  She also happens to be an orthopedic nurse (a bone nurse) Perfect.  She of course looks at it, basically gives me a diagnosis and tells me exactly what the E.R. doctor tells me.  Nothing really they can do for it...they put it in a sling and some Tylenol and he would be fine.  As he was.  I was sooooo outraged that I was stuck at home with 2 kids and no way to even get to the hospital. 

Now after the night all hell had broken loose at my house, the next day my mom called a locksmith and had my locks all changed on the house.  Therefore David would have no keys to get in right?  Wrong.  How did I forget that his great grandfather was a locksmith?

David managed to break every order that was listed on our TRO.  I am not exaggerating here.  Seriously, every single one.  His form of child support was to make the house payment and utilities.  I came home, no electricity.  I later got a job and was depositing my paychecks into the account (the one I could not close) and my checks would bounce.  I had all of these fees adding up and I could not figure out what it was....It was  David of course.  David constantly broke into our house.  I would come home from work and find my door standing wide open.  He would take things from the house but never the stuff you would expect him to take.  After that time he took his tools, he never again took anything of his.  He only took what was of personal value to me.  One time, during one of his many break ins, he took my Donald Duck night shirt I had.  I loved this shirt.  David's grandmother Mimi had bought me this shirt one year for Christmas.  It was the most adorable night shirt I had ever seen.  He took this.  I questioned him about it and he said “because I wanted to smell you”. How sick is that?  I was given a handmade quilt for Christmas one year from Penny, David's mom.  He took this.  He took all of my business files I had which made filing my taxes very difficult.  He took the box full of pictures of my kids and my childhood school annuals, my photo albums etc.  He took my wedding ring that his great grandmother had given him to give to me when we were married.  He stole one of my uncashed paychecks, and he stole a registration sticker that I had just paid for to go on my new car I had purchased.  He had stolen the hard drives from my computer at least twice.  Never once while he was breaking in, take anything of his.  His clothing was still there.  All of his socks, underwear, hanging clothes etc.  He was supposed to have removed his personal belongings when he dropped the kids off after the kidnapping but he didn't.  He and his younger brother Josh would break in another time and slit the mattress on the bed.  We had a king size waterbed.....it flooded the house.  That's when I said that's it.  I can no longer stay here.  I called my Mom and step dad that night and we left the house with a few belongings.

Every time I would come home to find the door open, things missing, my house flooded etc, I would call the police but it did no good.  The police (Lewisville P.D.) would come out, write a report, and tell me it's a civil problem there was nothing they could do about it.  I would show them my TRO, sorry ma'am, it's a civil matter.  You have to go back to court showing he broke the TRO to get anything done.  So much for having judge's orders right?  I use to tell the police when they would arrive that I knew exactly who did it.  Of course they would say, well ma'am he lived here, his fingerprints are going to be all over the place.  So I went through and cleaned every single window sill, lock, glass, door knob etc.  I told them I was going to do this.  Next time I have a break in, I want it dusted.  Of course there was another break in.  I did not mention his name but they knew.  No finger print dusting.  Nothing.  Take another report nothing would happen.  I nailed all of my windows shut.  I hung heavy blankets over all of my windows.  He had told the kids he rented an apartment behind where our house was located.  He told the kids that he would stay there so he could watch everything we did. 

This went on for about a year after we separated.  I'm not sure exactly on the dates.  That year, the kids and I got a puppy for Christmas we adopted from the SPCA.  His name was Rocky.  He was going to grow to be a nice big German Sheppard.  We loved that dog and he loved us.  He also helped me feel a bit safer. 

I think one of the hardest things I have had to deal with, is not having my children's pictures and my childhood photo album.  There were a few pictures hanging on the wall that he did not take of my kids.  Other than that, I have only a few.  There was one small photo album that had pictures of my daughter when she was born that was in a different place in the house that he did not get.  Other than that, I had none.  Miraculously, inside that album, was one picture of my daughter sitting in the hospital bed with me holding her newborn brother.  Now I'm not sure how that one picture got mixed up with pictures from my daughter's birth, but I sure am glad they did.  They are all I have....until later a little girl gets angry and brave and goes on a mission.  I’ll tell you about that later.

I have to tell you, my divorce took almost 4 and 1/2 years to become final.  It was ridiculous!  He fought me every bit of the way.  The judge in our divorce was changed.  I don't know why or how that happened but it did.  During one court session, the judge (1st judge) had ordered a home study and psych evaluation on both of us.  He of course was fighting me for custody of the kids.  My kids were his last power he had over me.  Without my kids, he could no longer control what I did.  They were only pawns in his sick game.  The home study and psych evaluation was a huge waste of my time and money.  They had come out to visit the kids at the house, watched their interaction with me, visited with them while he was at his mom's house.  We had to write about some pictures he showed us and what we thought was going on "in" those pics.  We did not take our tests at the same time.  Then we had a lengthy interview.  It was a real eye opener when the Dr. asked me, other than the kids, because everyone says their kids, he said, tell me something good about your marriage....anything.  That's when I started to cry because I could not think of anything good other than my kids.  Honestly, I hated him and could not think of anything other than we had bought a house at 22 years of age.  Nothing else good came of our marriage.  When the Dr's final report came out, he did side with me in believing that there was domestic violence but said that he did not believe that David would harm the kids.  I told the Dr. he was wrong.  I had feared now that I was out of the picture, he would take it out on my kids.  I was correct.  The Dr. told me not to worry too much.  David would be the type of Dad to say goodbye to the kids one weekend and tell them I’ll see ya next weekend and never show up again.  This is something David did for about a year or so.  We had no contact with him at all. 

Have I ever mentioned I hate lawyers?  Well, if I have not, let me say it now.  I hate lawyers.  Most of them are  blood sucking scum that doesn’t deserve oxygen.  Let me share my experience with you. 

My first attorney that I hired was named Phil.  Phil had come recommended to me by Melinda who used him to get her child support.  Little did I know it really was just a name dropping.  She really didn't recommend him because he sucks!  He was the first attorney I hired and placed my retainer fee and stuff on that credit card I had got.  He screwed me in so many ways.  We had gone to court one time and had new TRO's drawn up.  I was not receiving any child support, had moved out of my house, and was living with my parents.  I had daycare for 2 kids to pay for, insurance and car payments and food and all the other stuff one must pay for and try to help my parents out too.  Daycare was so costly, it's hardly worth going to work for.  I found a private Christian school that I enrolled my kids in that cost almost the same as daycare for the two of them.  That's how I solved the daycare dilemma.  Thank you Temple Christian Academy, you were wonderful!  Phil never drew up the papers, and did not get them signed by the judge...or so I was told.  Therefore, trying to get David to pay child support was nearly impossible since there were no orders in place.  David was ordered to pay $400-yes, only $400 a month in child support for 2 kids.  He went from being ordered to make a house payment and utilities to only paying $ 400.  Heck that is not even half of daycare!  David paid me $400 twice I believe it was.  I made copies of his checks.  He then later decided he did not want to pay me that amount and dropped it to $ 300. I think I received one check for $300.  Of course, I have no papers, so what am I to do.  I go to Phil’s office one day and get no help.  Phil has completely dropped the ball.  This among other things cause me to fire Phil.  Phil had been paid every dime he was owed....several thousand dollars....granted, they were all on credit card, but he had his money. 

My stepdad has a customer who comes in.  He's a former Judge in Denton county.  this judge says his daughter is also a judge in Lewisville and practices law and can help me out.  Great!  Her name is Stacey.  She will become attorney # 2.  I meet with Stacey and really like her.  She doesn't want to mess with the headache of invoices and all the mess of keeping up with time spent on the case blah blah blah and offers to take my case for a flat fee of $5000.  Great! I love that idea after spending more than that with Phil and got zero in return.  She and I work out a deal for payment arrangements and my step dad agrees to help.  Stacey is paid every dime of every payment that is due to her.  Stacey goes to court, gets Phil dropped from my case and she is added.  I had previously gone through mediation with Phil and David and his attorney.  That was a huge waste of time and money as David thought of it as a joke.  David's attorneys were all paid for by his father, or they were just favors for his father I’m not sure which.  So for David to waste my time while I paid outrageous fees per hour for an attorney was no big deal to him.  Stacey seemed to be a good attorney and a good fit.  I really thought it was going to work out.  But it didn't.  I could no longer get a hold of her.  I would call the office and I was told that she had moved.  Later I would find out that she had met a Dr. while in Chicago and dumped all of her clients and ran off to be with him.  She took my money, my files, and left me and my kids hanging.

Now I have learned a thing or two about attorneys.  If you have one on retainer, another attorney does not want to get involved or even speak to you.  They want NOTHING to do with you.  This is exactly what happened.  I called several up trying to figure out what to do and as soon as they found out I had an attorney on the case, they would end it right there.  I had called the state bar of Texas to inquire about what to do.  I had found out at this point Stacey was disbarred and unable to practice in Texas.  Seems she forgot to pay some fees or enough people complained I’m not sure.  So here I am no attorney, no money and no help.  I make just a wee bit too much for legal aid to help me.  They agree to meet with me for one consultation.  Nothing comes out of it because they cannot get involved because I HAVE AN ATTORNEY ON RETAINER!!!!!!!!!!!  I call the Texas State Bar again, and the person on the phone tells me to contact the judge overseeing my case to explain to her (judge #2 at this time) what is happening. 

I locate the judge's phone number but I cannot get through to the judge.  The receptionist or whoever she is refuses to put me through.  She states you cannot speak to a judge if you have a case pending.  SO WHAT THE HECK AM I SUPPOSE TO DO? An attorney will not give me advice, Legal Aid won't help, State Bar won't help the judge won't help.

I end up at that law library in the courthouse in Denton.  I figure I'll read up on some books and try to figure this out.  I'm in the law library and honestly I am clueless and overwhelmed by it all.  I am going through books desperately searching for a way to solve this problem.  I begin to crumble.  The tears well up in my eyes and I can't take it any more.  I start to cry.  I try to keep my composure.  It's a difficult task.  Finally, a very sweet woman....I’ll never forget her face.  She was a black woman probably in her late 40's very early 50's wearing a baby pink (my favorite color) suit.  She comes up to me and asks me if I’m okay and I tell her no I'm not.  I try to explain my situation to her telling her my judge had been changed, but I didn't know who #2 was.  I told her about the attorneys and all that mess.  She looked at me and smiled.  She gave me a warm hug and said she would help me.  She told me to follow her.  Downstairs we went to the file clerk.  She requested my file and read through it.  She told me who my judge was, and gave me my case number and stuff.  At least now I had a little to start with.  She then informed me of what I needed to do.  She said I needed to file a certain form.  Okay, good. So on my way I went.  Unfortunately, that would not be the end of my crisis.  As it turns out, I have to go in front of the judge but getting there would be difficult.  I call the judge, this time knowing exactly which judge to contact, I still can't get through because I have a case pending.  I go online and find the judge's email address.  I email her explaining my case.  I get no response.  I email her again....I am begging!!!!  Seriously, I am begging for her help.  For the safety of my kids, I need in front of this judge.  Horrible things are happening to my kids and I need to protect them.  They are missing school, being late to school, my son is being neglected medically.  He has asthma.  David is smoking around him and not giving him his treatments.  Just all kinds of stuff.  I say in my email that I am going to call and write and email every single day until she responds.  After about 4 or 5 days, I get a response from the judge setting a status hearing on my case.  Whew!  I finally can get in front of the judge to file the paper I need to get rid of Stacey as my attorney #2.  I then hire myself as attorney #3 because I have no money.  Now I have no law experience whatsoever obviously.  But I can't do any worse than what has happened already right?  I plea with the judge for help for my kids.  She then orders an Ad Lidem (sp?) attorney for my kids.  WOOOO HOOOOO!!!! finally something going in favor of my kids....so I thought.  I thought having an attorney whose sole job is to look out for what's best for my kids is wonderful.  There is no doubt in my mind this is a good thing.  So Russell, attorney # 4 is hired and he is to be paid by David and myself.  He calls me on the phone and asks me for everything that I have on our case...basically write him a story about what has happened in our life etc.  So I do.  I handwrite him a very long (surprised? lol) list of everything.  I wait.  I wait even longer.  Nothing happens. 

David continues to harass me over the phone and plays cruel games with the kids, using them against me.  His family is involved in it too.  They play a question game where they quiz the kids, and if the kids give them an answer, they get candy.  It's called the candy game I believe it's what they said.  My kids get grilled every weekend they visit. 

At first when we split, David did not keep the kids overnight as he was given permission to in the orders.  He only did this after he broke into the house one night and found my journal where I was writing about him not keeping the kids during his visitation.  He would come by and see them and leave to go party.  Then when he broke in and stole my journal, it was a miracle.  That first night he kept the kids overnight.  David only did what he had to do to make himself look good to his family and the courts.  I think David was telling his family he was paying child support, when all along he wasn't.  I remember my daughter asking me for a backpack for school.  They were going to David's house for the weekend.  I had purchased all of the school supplies already except the backpacks.  They would have to wait until next payday.  I told her to ask her dad to buy them.  She asks David if he would take her to buy one.  Mimi, David's grandmother pops off and says I should take the child support David gives me to go buy them myself.  My daughter then informs Mimi that David does not pay any child support and Mimi argues about it.  To this day, I have a copy of all the checks he sent.  I can assure you, he was not paying support. 

During our divorce, and even after our divorce, I made a promise.  I would never use my kids, and I would never say anything bad about David.  He was their Dad.  My parents divorced when I was a kid.  I know how it feels to have one parent grill you about the other parent and how it feels when one does nothing but bash the other parent.  I made sure I never ever did this!  I hated it as a kid and would not allow it!  Plus, I did not have to bad mouth David.  He made himself look bad enough.  Kids are not stupid.   They can see what is genuine and what is not.  David was an ass.  I never had to tell my kids this.  David's family didn't care about my kids either.  I didn't have to tell them this.  Their actions proved it....and still do.

At one point, while dealing with attorney #4, I am acting as my own attorney.  I learned during mediation with attorney #1 Phill, that any offer I make or he makes must be taken to the other party regardless.  So I am on the phone with David's attorney.  I make him an offer.  David is behind a couple or 3 years of child support.  Not even counting the house that we lost because he let it go not making the payments.  I make an offer to David's attorney.  He signs over his rights to the kids and walks away scott free.  He owes no future or any back child support.  I believe David is in his attorney's office at this time.  His attorney tells me how ridiculous that offer is.  I tell him that is my offer, and he has to present it to David.  He says there is now way David will take it and the court will not bastardize the kids.  I tell him to take the offer to David.  He gives him the offer.  David has to go home and  think about it.  WHAT?  Now I ask you this.  If someone asked you to give up your rights to your kids that you love, do you have to think about it?  The immediate answer is not only "no" but "HELL NO!!!!"  The next afternoon I get a phone call from attorney #4 Russell, who tells me he got a strange call from David's attorney.  He said that I presented him with an offer to walk away.  Russell asked me if that was true.  I said yes I did.  He said is it true that he said he had to go home and think about it and I said yes it was.  Russell was in shock.  So now I’m thinking HOMERUN BABY!  That just proved my point all along.  Later I get a phone call from David at home.  I have a recording of this on tape.  I recorded lots of our conversations.  He told me  that he thought about and talked it over with family. He told me his family really wanted the kids and he could not agree to that deal.  WHAT? YOUR FAMILY WANTS MY KIDS?  Wow!  Not even David wanted them.  So David did not accept that deal.  I'm sure had his family not been involved, David would have signed the papers....and he would have been gone. 

Well, it will come to you as no surprise that my divorce debacle gets dirtier.  I am meeting with Denton County friends of the family for counseling.  I am trying to get counseling for my kids but DCFF will not counsel children without both parents consenting because I do not have full custody.  (only problem I ever had with them)  My counselor's name was Cheryl.  We make calls to CPS informing them of the neglect at the hands of David.  They would wake up and he would be gone.  The kids would not know where he was.  He was supposed to take them to school.  I would have to leave work and pick them up and take them to school because he would not be home.  As I stated earlier, my son has asthma.  You cannot smoke around him ever!  David would.  He would smoke in the car when he would pick them up.  I'd beg him to please not do that.  He'd refuse.  I would say at least roll the window all the way down.  He'd smile at me-this evil grin he had, and roll the window all the way up.  My son one time had to go to the emergency room while in David's care.  (he went more than once) this particular time, he went long enough to sign in, state that when he picked the child up from Mom's house for his weekend vacation, the child was wheezing and having a hard time breathing.  Actually, first David took him to a primacare place.  This was on a Saturday.  My son's breathing was so bad, they instructed him to go straight to the hospital right across the road.  He did.  David signed in long enough to get on record that he had been wheezing "since being at Mom's house".  David left, my son was never seen by a physician.  My daughter told me that David said he was tired of waiting.  I get a call Sunday afternoon, during the superbowl, that Jacob is having a hard time breathing.  My daughter calls me.  I leave the superbowl party immediately to go and get my son.  We ended up at the nearest hospital.  my son could barely breathe.  I was speeding down the road to get him to a hospital.  When I informed my counselor of this, she told me she had to notify CPS because that was abuse and neglect.  She said if I didn't call cps she would.  She said it would be better if I made the call.  So I did.  I informed them of it all.  I later went back to the primacare clinic and Lewisville hospital and got copies of all the records...and it clearly states on there that he left without being seen.  CPS did nothing.  They actually told me over the phone that was not abuse or neglect.  My counselor then took the phone away from and chewed someone's butt on the other end.  Another way the system failed us. 

DCFF sent David a letter requesting his permission to counsel the kids.  He refused.  Cheryl even called him on the phone and explained that they were on no one's side just wanted to do what was best for the kids.  He refused.  I stayed in counseling but knew it was important for my kids to get some counseling. 

Later my daughter would tell me that she had been going to see a foot doctor.  I said what?  A foot doctor what for?  She said she didn't know why she went but all they ever did was talk anyways.  As it turned out, there was a counselor David was taking the kids to.  Her name was Ann.  She had an office next to a podiatrist.  My daughter didn't even know she was in counseling.  After I found out about it, I was upset he did it behind my back but then I was glad my kids were finally getting some counseling.  They had seen alot over the years and I was really concerned about it.  I had met with Ann I think one time.  During our meeting, she had mentioned to me that she had spoken to my father in law about the kids.  Now why in the world would my father in law be calling her regarding my kids?  THAT'S IT! I told David no more counseling and I told Ann no more counseling for my kids.  I know David only put the kids in counseling so he would look like the good parent.  That is all they were worried about....appearances.  He did not care about the well being of the kids.  He just knew he had to hang on to those kids to hang on to me.

There was the time my daughter mentioned to me while driving down the highway, "oh, that's where daddy got pulled over by the police".  I said really, what happened? I expected her to say something like he was speeding or not wearing a seat belt.  What she told me horrified me.  She said that the two of them were arguing.  David was calling me all kinds of bad names and my daughter was defending me.  She was 9 years old at the time.  He started yelling at her and calling her names.  He got angry and pulled the car over on the side of the highway.  He yanked her out of the car and picked up a big stick, as she describes it was about 4 inches in diameter, and about 14 inches long.  He put his hand around her throat and pushed her against the side of the car and raised the stick at her.  Another car witnessed this and called 911.  I was in shock!  She said the other car scared him and they got back in the car and drove then the police came and pulled him over.  I did a little detective work and found out it was the Carrolton police department.  I called them and explained what was going on.  They gave me the little print out of the 911 call/report.  It had the people's name on there who called it in.  I called the woman from the 911 call and explained who I was.  I had told her that I was fighting for custody of my kids, and at the very most, supervised visitation for my ex.  I told her thank you for getting involved and saving my kids.  The woman told me she had wondered what happened.  My daughter says the cops questioned them.  They saw no marks around her neck and that a parent could discipline their children as needed.  My son was in the back seat as this happened too.  Nothing happened to David.  CPS did nothing either.  This was only a couple of examples of the horrible cruelty and the hands/mind of David.

During my counseling sessions with Cheryl, she taught me how to put the responsibility back on David.  When it was time for the kids to come home, he wouldn't bring them home.  He would have the kids call me and say I would have to come get them.  Of course I would drive to a different city to get them because I wanted them home.  He would play games with me.  He would say meet me here.  Then I would get there and he would call me and say no, meet me here.  It was a cat and mouse game.  He would  have the kids call me and they would say they were counting change.  They would tell me if they wanted to come home to see me, they would have to count the change out of the piggy banks to put gas in the car because daddy had no money for gas.  Or of course, I could come pick them up.  My counselor had so no more of this cat and mouse game.  He will have to bring the kids home or just keep them.  This broke my heart.  It was so hard for me to tell my kids no, I will not come pick you up.  Dad will have to take you to school or find the money to put gas in the car.  I would cry because my kids would cry and beg me to come get them.  Cheryl was right.  My gosh, he had money to get those kids home.  Because if he didn’t, he would have to explain to the courts while they missed school the next day.  Later that day, my daughter asked me if Daddy has no money for gas in the car, how does he have money to buy cigarettes and take us to six flags.  They had spent the weekend at six flags.  Of course he lied about having no money.  The man drove a car that was paid for, one of 5 in the driveway.  He lived in his great grand parent’s home that was paid for.  He had no bills whatsoever.  I know it was all a joke to him....just more of him using the kids.  Once Cheryl explained to me it was all about power over me, I knew....I had to be tough.  I never again drove all over looking for my kids.  I only picked them up when he could not be found to take them to school. 

Now please know that the above is only a small amount of the cruel mind games he and his family played on me.  David or his "designated picker upper person" would come by the house to pick up the kids.  They would request a civil standby...meaning a police escort.  That’s right.  David would have a police officer show up at the house with him when he would pick up the kids.  He said he was scared of me that I had threatened him.  Penny, his mom would do the same.  I was 5ft 3 and weighed 129lbs.  He was over 6 ft and about 220lbs.  What was I going to do lol?  

During our many times in court, we had it to where we actually had to pay some people for me to drop off the kids to do the exchange.  David's mom would type of letters and tape them to my front door or send them home with the kids.  They would just change the rules as they went along.  They would now pick up and drop off at the police station.  There was always some kind of garbage.  He must have fed them some really good lines, or they are complete idiots.  Well, now I know they are complete idiots and the biggest group of hypocrites I have ever known. (more on that later)

The next blog I’ll tell you about the most amazing experience of my life...and of your life too probably.  I'll tell you about my final divorce decree.  Hang in there...I know it's long.  I appreciate you hanging in there.  It is soooooo important I get to these charities. But for you to appreciate the charities, you have to understand the story behind it.  I think it gives them more meaning.   

I have been struggling for years with forgiveness.  I suppose it's an issue that I just don't "get".  I've tried to understand...but I just can't seem to say it...you know, that I forgive certain somebodies in my life who caused tremendous pain to me and my family. 

I sure would love to hear some stories on forgiveness....suggestions on how to get there. 

What does forgiveness really mean?  I know I must forgive those.....but how do I do it?

***continued from part 3****

So after the traumatic events that had unfolded before my eyes that day, one could say I was temporarily insane...and with every reason to be.  I now can say I know how it feels to have a child kidnapped, and honestly not know if I would ever see them again.  At least I had a little comfort in knowing that they were not alone with David.  However, the fear was real and it was justified.  I was scared to death about my children being sped away.  I had hoped they made it safely where ever it was they were being taken to.   Penny had already hit my mom with her van, so I knew she was driving like a maniac.  I had been warned by him I would never get my kids in a custody battle.  I had witnessed before the "Good ole boy" system of politics and judges first hand and that had me scared to death.  I freaked out....I screamed out lout at the top of my lungs.  My whole body trembled and I could barely breathe.  I could not even stand on my own two feet.  My legs were like rubberbands.  My heart pounded and ached, and I was madder than hell at the same time.  This rush of energy and heat came over me.  I ran back outside after calling the police.  I felt helpless at this moment.  I looked around my front yard and the front of my house.  I spotted it!  That cute shiney red sports car that I was envious of.  It was Andrea's car.  The one who deceived me.  The one who lied to me.  The one who allowed all of this to happen.  I ran back inside looking for something, anything, that I could use.  I had hoped to find a baseball bat.  I was actually looking for one even though no one in my house played baseball.  I know, makes no sense but that is what I wanted.  I found a fireplace poker instead.  I ran outside with it and hit that car as hard as I could.  I hit it again, and again and again.  When I thought I couldn't hit it anymore, I swung at it again.  I tried to break the windows but I couldnt.  A fireplace poker isn't a very good instrument to use to beat up a car.  The police show up and are talking to my Mom.  Andrea's car is parked a little away from my house so I guess they didn't notice me right away....I'm not sure.  It appeared they may have approved a little of my bashing of the car.  The policeman finally walked up to me and told me I needed to stop before I did more damage and then it would be a higher class charge.  Like I cared at that moment.  I was not into breaking laws.  I have always considered myself a law abiding citizen. ( I did get a speeding ticket once or twice.) I stopped hitting the car, with very little damage to it at all.  I must say, I was disappointed that all of my energy did not cause more damage.  I personally wished Andrea would have been there because I'm sure there would have been another ambulance called to my house that day.  I wanted to beat her.  She was stupid enough to drive to my house, help kidnap my kids, and leave her car parked there.   Apparently Andrea had called her husband Mark to pick up the car while she was busy kidnapping my kids because he later shows up at my house.  He calls a tow truck and has the car towed.  Smart man.  A few years later, He and Andrea divorce-no kids.

After the car beating incident, I spoke to the police about it all.  At a later date I would have to go down to the police station, make my statement, and turn myself in.  More on that later.

  . 

Here is a silver lining to all of this heartache, if there is one.  I have friends.  I have good friends.  I just did not know this at the time.  I had contacted my attorney about everything going on and he put into motion to work on getting my kids back.  My emergency court hearing takes over a week to get into court...Roma's took 24 hours. hmmm.  Meanwhile, my mom calls a lady she works with.  Her husband is a preacher.  They come over to my house that evening and we hold a prayer vigil right there in my living room and pray for the safety and safe return of my kids. 

While waiting the  days for my court date to come, I have to gather old friends of mine for court.  I need any and every witness I can find to come to court for me. I don't have many friends for most of them were ran off by David.  He convinced me they were not my friends.  My friend Janet and I have been friends since I was 14.  Janet was dating a low life friend of David's at the time and we were introduced.  Janet was the only friend that stayed somewhat involved in my life over the years, and had been a witness to a small part of the mind games David plays.  Susan was my best friend in Jr. High and partially into high school.  Melinda and I were good friends too.  I even dated Melinda's older brother when I was younger.  She and I were friends with Susan and we all hung out together before I married David.  We would have sleep overs etc.  Melinda & Susan came to my apartment  one day to check on me and I refused to let them in.  Our apartment was a wreck, it was after one of David's rages.  I was ashamed for anyone to see it so I barely cracked the door open.  They  would later get subpenoed to go to court to testify that they saw that I had a black eye. 

I had to contact Susan about going to court with me.  Susan had reminded me of that time with Melinda at my apartment so I had her subpenoed also to testify.  It was amazing.  As soon as I put the phone call out, my friends were there.  They were right by my side, holding my hand.  I cry now as I type this.  David had repeatedly over the years told me they in fact were not my friends and only used me when they had no one else to go out with or do anything with.  He told me I was their last resort and not really their friend.  He twisted everything and had me believing it.  Then when they would call asking me to go to dinner or  a movie etc. I would turn them down.  What a shame it was that I missed out on so much with my friends and my life because of him.  I called Susan and she and her mom, whom I was very close to growing up, were right there.  They brought over food, magazines to occupy my mind and my time.  They brought over coffee.  They brought over their support and their love for me that I thought was gone.  When I needed them, they were there!  My mom, at this point, has yet to leave my side.  I cannot tell you how many games of Rummy we played while waiting by the phone for any information.

While this tragedy was occuring, my family was experiencing another tragedy.  My brother was injured at work.  His hand was mashed by a forklift, and his finger on his dominate hand was mashed off and he was rushed to the hospital for his injuries.  My mom made a decision to stay with me and not be with my brother.  I think maybe they were either afraid I may go crazy and kill David if ever given the chance, or kill myself or fear of David showing back up.  I love my mom and my brother even more for this.  When my family needed me, I couldn't be there for him.  My brother's finger would be reattached but unfortunately the surgery was not successful and they had to remove the finger at a later date.  He's a mechanic so this was very tough for him.  He went through many months of therapy.  He and his wife had just had their first child which made this even more difficult.  Due to his injury, and the hardware involved in trying to save his finger and hand, he wasn't able to hold his baby, feed him, change him etc.  I was so heartbroken for him over that.  But I love my family for the sacrifice they made for me in keeping me safe. 

I left my house one time during this period of waiting to get into court.  A woman I had worked with was having her first child.  She was breastfeeding and having difficulty and asked if I would come to the hospital and help her.  I did not tell her what had happened.  All she knew is that I had always said to her "someday I am going to leave David"  She had listened to me say that for about 5 years.  I needed to get out of the house.  I needed a miracle.  I needed something to refresh me as much as I could get.  I needed my kids but since that wasn't happening I had to promise my mom I would go only to the hospital and straight home.  I must say, seeing that new baby made me cry.  I was so happy for her.  She had always dreamed of having a baby and she and her husband were so happy.  I could not share with her my horrible story.  This was her day and her baby's day.  I held that baby and thought of my own kids.  I helped her with the nursing pointers, and back home I went.  That little miracle of Gods was what I needed.  I needed that baby to remind me to be strong.  I went to the parking lot, and bawled.  While digging in my purse for some kleenex, I had found the little pictures from Chuck E Cheeses.  I cried even harder.  I stared at my babies beautiful little faces.  I was so upset that I had ruined their lives.  I was upset that I had picked a horrible man to have children with.  I looked at their sweet little innocent faces.  I wondered what they were doing.  At that moment, I knew, I had to be strong for them.  I had to do whatever I had to get my kids back, and get through this.  NO MATTER WHAT IT TOOK!   I had thought about agreeing to get back with David while my kids were gone just so he would bring them home.  But after seeing their precious faces, they kept me strong.  I was MOM STRONG!  I was fighting for them.  I still have those little pictures tucked away.  I pull them out every now and then.  You can see where my tears fell on them and streaked the paper.  Those little reminders of my kids was all i needed to see...and their pictures kept me from going back to him.  That would have been the easy thing to do, but I knew that was no life for my kids and me. 

 David calls and taunts me.  He is playing on my emotions the most wicked way of all.  He is still using my kids.  He tortures me.  He acts like he is going to let me talk to them.  He won't.  He even told me he was sorry for what he had done and told me he was bringing my kids home the next morning.  He lied.  We sit in anticipation...waiting for my kids to run through the door.  It never happens.  He calls from payphones so I cannot tell where he is.  Although one time, he did call from his mom's house.  I could hear my child sleeping in the background...yes, she was sleeping. It was her.  I knew her breathing.  I could hear her.  I cried, I begged for him to bring them home.  I pleaded with him.  I yelled at him.  I just wanted to talk to my kids but he refused.

One time he called from a payphone, but the name of the company where the payphone was located showed up on the caller ID.  I knew where that place was.  I jumped in my car and raced over there across town.  I show up at the pay phone but he has already gone.  I look all around.  No signs of my kids.  I stand there and cry.  Later my daughter would tell me she saw me pull up.  He hid them in a parking lot.  She tried to call to me but he covered her mouth and said if she ever wanted to see me again, not to make a sound.  I tear up now just thinking about it.  He kept them away from me, with their love for me.  I was soooo close to getting to them. 

Another time he called me from his mother's house.  I drove over there and banged on the door....all of them.  I banged on windows.  I yelled and yelled and yelled.  I yelled to my kids if they were in there that I love them and I will see them soon.  Again, I cry sitting here typing this because I have worked so hard to block it out of my memory.  Later, I would find out from my daughter they were in fact there when I came by that day.  They were forced into Penny's bedroom, and then put in the bathroom.  My daughter said they were deadbolted inside the house from the inside.  She tried to get to a phone one time but they caught her.  They then started carrying the cordless phones on them (Penny and David) at all times.  Their mouths were covered when they would try to call out to me. 

Now I could understand taking my kids from me had I been a bad mom.  Had I been abusive, or even accused of something like that.  NEVER was there any reason.  Penny was never involved much in my kids life to begin with.  She and I were almost pregnant at the same time.  She had a child about a year older than my daughter.  She was involved in everything going on his life.  Truth be known, for the most part, Penny was a birthday and a Christmas kind of Grandma.  My kids called her Memaw.  My kids were the only grandkids in the family on both sides.  When David and I went to Disneyworld, my kids stayed with Penny because she worked from her home and my mom worked outside of the home.  My kids did not make it the week with her.  Penny called my Mom, and my mom went and picked up the kids and took them to her house where they stayed until we got back from our trip.  The kids were not happy.  Memaw was good for a trip to the mall or toy store and to buy things. That's what she did best.  My daughter, at the big ole age of 7 even knew this and wondered why she never called to check on them, never came by, despite we lived in the same town.  The first 4 or 5 years David and I were married, she had been to our place twice.  Once to our little apartment, where we lived the first year we were married, to ask David to work on Andrea's car.  The second time was after we moved, she was bringing by the changing table she bought for the nursery when I was pregnant with my daughter.  That's it.  But my kids always had fabulous birthdays and Christmas presents.  I did too.  They always included me.  There was never a reason for me to think they didn't care for me.  She always bought me gifts on my birthday and Christmas.  Always nice things.  I never felt like an outsider...NEVER.  This is what made this whole mess even worse.  I was, and still am, a great mom!  I know this because my kids are my proof! 

 Penny was not a good mom to David and Andrea when they were little.  Neither was their father, Roma.  This foundation of parenting and the life that David and Andrea apparently had as children, shaped them to be who they are.  I blame alot of this on the adults in David and Andrea's lives.  They failed to love them, protect them, and teach them.  Only I would have no clue about all of this until many years....many years too late for the damage had already been done.  More on this later.

So finally to my court date, I believe it was ten days later.  I show up in court.  My family by my side.  Carrie came in to town as well to testify.  Susan and Melinda are there as well as are  two of David's 3 closest friends, as well they are my friends.  They were the only friends I was allowed to "have".  Rudy was David's best friend.  They grew up across the street from each other.  They had been best friends their whole lives.  Rudy and I became very close friends too along with his wife.  Rudy was not happy about being there but Rudy was a witness one time to one of David's rages.  David attacked me and was sitting on top of me while i was pinned to the ground.  Our other best friend Dave (not to be confused with David) ran over pushed David off of me.  Dave and I still to this day are very very close friends.  I even call him my best friend.  Growing up, from age 14 and on, it was the four of us.  Me, David, Rudy and Dave.  We did everything together.  David and Rudy were best friend, being only a couple of months apart in age.  They knew each other their whole life.  Rudy didn't like me too much at first because he was jealous of me he said.  I was stealing his best friend.  So for the first few years, we were friends, but not close good friends.  Then during that drunk driving accident time when David was really hurt bad and spent several days in I.C.U., Rudy was at the hospital alot.  Then Rudy convinced me to leave the hospital, he took me out for dinner and we went back to my house.  I got cleaned up and packed some fresh clothes.  Rudy and I watched some tv and we had to best heart to heart conversation ever.  Rudy confided in me all about how he didn't like me at first because he was jealous.  He also shared some very condifential stuff with me.  That night, Rudy and I truly became close friends.  I knew how much he loved David, as a friend. 

Dave and I...wow, where to begin.  Dave is like another brother.  He is a best friend and a brother rolled into one.  Years later, Dave would marry his sweetheart.   They are still happily married with one child.  Dave has been constant through the years.  Dave would have been in court with me, but at that time, he was proudly serving in the Army.  Dave just rec'd an Honarable medical discharge or a retirement, i'm not sure which, from the army a couple of months ago.  Dave and his wife use to try to  talk me into coming and staying with them.  They didn't like the way David treated me.  I couldn't see why.  Like I said before, or at least I thought it if I didn't write it, sometimes it takes a stranger, or someone standing on the outside to see what's in front of your face.  Dave has been here for me and my kids every step of the way since...even while serving and fighting through 2 tours in Iraq, and numerous other tours. 

 Dave was the runt of our group.  He was a little scrawny guy who didn't have much going for him it seemed at the time.  He was the oldest of the group and I was the baby of the group.  Dave joined the army and was gone for 2 years before we saw him again.  David, was the biggest guy in our group.  David had more going for him  than any of us.  He was fortunate enough that his step grandfather owned a print shop.  David, at around the age of 15 or 16, learned how to be a printer...and a very skilled, talented printer he was.  At age 16, he was making more money than alot of adults.  As far as I know, David is still in this field.  We often thought Rudy was gay, but we loved him and accepted him anyway if he was.  Dave and Rudy had no idea what they were doing with the rest of their lives.  None were going to college.  David already had his "career" going and Rudy found a job working in a metal shop.  Dave joined the army at 22 years old.  He was an old guy! lol.  David often picked on Dave....challenging him.  Now it is apparent that David had to pick on the weaker, it seems to be a pattern.  Although it always seemed to be picking on in a playful teasing kind of way.  No one's feelings ever were hurt about it.  I can tell you this, Dave had the last laugh when he returned home after two years in the Army.  David ran his mouth one time to Dave, and Dave took David down to the ground!  Dave, came back and  he had put on about 40 lbs of muscle and kicked some butt!  Nobody messed with Dave anymore. Dave's wife, Rudy's wife and I were all pregnant at the same time.  I had my second child, my son, while they had their first.  Dave's son was born on my daughter's birthday.  Rudy's daughter was born on Thanksgiving that year.

So back to my hearing.  The courtroom is packed.  I look around, I see David's family there. (At least i believe I do. I had been to court so many times, court starts to run together)  His father Roma is there and Penny.  All I want is to get my kids....I still have not had any information about them.  The reports from the police told me no one was at Penny's residence when they would check.  I was dying to find out everything that had happened.

So after all of this hooplah, after all of this money spent on attorneys and subpoenas nothing is done in front of the judge.  No one testifies, nothing! Nothing happens except they say they will turn the children over to me later that evening.  What? No witnesses to testify?  What was the point?  Why did my friends and family have to miss work for this?  Why did Carrie have to drive from out of state? Let me tell you folks something, our country is great, but our court system sucks!  I hate that word used in that manner but it does.  I wasted money that I did not have.  The nice little judge ordered me to leave the house so that David could get inside to get his things out-but only his very personal belongings such as clothing, toiletries etc.  We all agree, then me and the gang all head back to my house to anxiously await the return of my kids a couple of hours later. The whole reason for taking my kids? Who knows?  There was never any testimony given.  We just get to court and they say they are returning the kids.

FINALLY, the time had arrived that my heart had ached for!  It was time for my kids to come home to me.  I was so nervous and so afraid that he would change his mind and not bring them home. But finally, there they were.....they pulled up out front and I took off running! My daughter jumped in my arms and we hugged and kissed and we cried.  My little one came up next to me, gave me a hug and said "hi mom" like he had been away for the evening.  I was sad that my son didn't seem too happy to see me, then I thought about it and I was glad because I thought maybe he was too young to even know what was going on.  My daughter knew that was for sure.  My daughter and my son and my family left the house so David could come in and take what he could and what he should not have....even though he was ordered not to by the judge.  When David left that night with his family the first time, he had no clothes or anything with him. 

 I wouldn't let my kids out of my sight.  The rest of the night was a big celebration with friends and family.  My kids stayed near me the whole night.  My youngest fell asleep in my lap and I carried him to bed.  I stood there & cried watching him asleep in his bed.  I had wondered what all they had endured.  Were they kept safe, where had they been?  Who did they meet?  I chose not to question them.  I made myself available to them to talk about whatever, but never grilled them.  Later I would find out they spent time at Coleen's house, whom they had only met once or twice before.  She would later become their step grandmother by marrying Roma.  They were moved around to a couple of places.  All that mattered in the world now, was that my baby girl and my baby boy were home, safe and sound with me. 

So now it is time for me to answer for my crime of vandalism to Andrea's car.  I talk to a police officer regarding it.  He says it's best for me to just come on up and turn myself in.  If I do it early in the morning I will see the judge first thing, and then be out of jail in no time.  No problem.  I go up there early early in the morning to make sure I don't miss the judge.  I'm there an hour earlier than when the judge comes just to make sure.  My mom has my kids.  I'm expecting to be in and out. Heck, I had watched David be in and out of jail for DWI in no time...about an hour or two.  So surely I'll be out in no time right?  Wrong!  I spent hours...maybe even the night in there.  I honestly lost track of time but I think i spent the night.  I have been to jail twice...and I can't remember if it was this time I stayed the night or the next time. (which is another story i'll write about later).  I finally see the judge and a court date is entered.  It's about a year later, and I finally get to see another judge about the criminal mischief i was charged with.  I have since fired my attorney that was hired for my divorce since he was a jacka55 and took my money and did nothing.  He was one of about 5 attorneys during my divorce nightmare.  I have a court appointed attorney that i meet with right before my "hearing" in front of the judge...yep, that's it.  we just stood there in front of the judge.  why this couldn't be done with the judge in the jail i don't know.  I explained to the attorney and i explained to the judge what had happened. the judge even told me he didn't blame me for what i did, he probably would have reacted similar.  He could have ordered me to pay restitution for the damage done to Andrea's car but he didn't.  Instead, I received a $100 fine, and I had to 80 hours of community service and I was placed on probation for one year.  I don't know about you, but i thought compared to some other criminals, that was pretty stiff.  I had to work a full time job with 2 kids, complete 80 hours in community service in a short time and spend the day/night in jail. 

Andrea later took me to small claims court and sued me for the damages.  To this day, I have not paid a penny.  I'm not sure how small claim courts work, for i didn't really even get a say in it.  the judge was mean and hateful and didn't even hardly let me point my case out.  the fact is, yes, i damaged her car but not to the extent she had estimates for.  Larry, her step dad did the estimates of the "body damage" and the judge did not care.  the car was a mitsubishi eclipse.  Larry worked as an estimator for a ford dealership.  Now does that make sense to you to go to a Ford house for repair estimates if you own a mitsibishi??  I don't think so either.  the criminal act occured in Denton county, but our court was in Dallas county.  It was/is my understanding that in Texas, you file suit in the county where the defendant, that's me, lives or the crime/act occured.  That would be Denton county. But not so.  Imagine that.   So I am found guilty after allowing my 2 sentances in court and ordered to pay restitution.  I never rec'd any paperwork.  I have no idea how much or even where to have sent the money in had I wanted to.  to this day, I have never received anything on this case.  and to this day, I have not paid one penny on this case, and hell will freeze over before i voluntarily give up any.

so this my friends, is how I ended up in jail for my kids being kidnapped.  This is how I got my kids back, and now you see how sorry our court sytems are...but you have only seen the tip of the iceberg as to how sorry our courts and most attorneys are.  Just wait for the rest. 

ok, so I pull up to the menu board at a local McDonalds here in Dallas on my way in to work.  A voice comes over the speaker and I cannot understand him.  I say "excuse me, I did not understand you.  Are you ready for my order?"  Again....he speaks and I have no clue what he said, and whatever it was he was speaking, it was very fast.  I say to him " I don't understand what you are saying, can you speak in ENGLISH? With his broken English, he then asks to take my order.  I give him my very simple 2 item order-a hamburger and small fry.  He tells me "I can not understand you!" with a smart attitude.  I kill it with kindness.  I don't want my food spat on right?  So I tell him I'm sorry, and I repeat my order slowly.

  GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I was so mad at this.  WHY WOULD ANYONE BE GREETED IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE AT THE DRIVE THRU?!!!!!  This is right off of I-35...not in some little bitty owner operated family business.  I honestly wanted to speak to the manager and inform them I was upset about it and then drive off without my order...but I didn't.  I chose to do like all the rest of my fellow Americans...just stick my head and the sand, perhaps blog a few lines about it and do nothing and let it just happen. 

Shame on me for being the typical lazy American!

I have a few ideas for street names.  First, let me say that this whole idea of naming street names after people who have never been to Texas, or had little to nothing to do with Texas is plain crazy.  I keep wondering if people who immigrate here to the U.S. whether legal or not, if they love their home country so much, why come here?  Once they are here, they want constant reminders of what they left.  It makes zero sense to me.

I have decided on a few ideas for street names in some of these neighborhoods.  Feel free to add your ideas also to the list.  Perhaps we can submit these to the cities of Dallas and Arlington and any other city who feels the need to start naming streets after other countries and foreigners.

1.  Illigal Alley

2. Not Really American Way

3. Prejudice Rd.

4. Food Stamp Ln.

5. American Hater Blvd.

6. ME Avenue

7. Mohammed Way

8. Gimme Dr.

9. Alegiance to Mexico Ln.

10. Obama Lover Lane.

What do you think?