OLDnFEEBLE's Blog

CAUTION: Repeating this true story outside a 200-mile radius of Dallas/Ft. Worth will result in blank stares.

In the early nineties I was "right-sized" and faced a career change in my late forties. One of the "keep body-and-soul-together" jobs I had during the transition was working for a local funeral home as a greeter, hearse driver, funeral service assistant and whatever. One bright, sunny Saturday afternoon I was working the front desk when the entrance door of the funeral home opened and an unaccompanied elderly woman stepped inside. Closing the door, she stood there for a moment, allowing her eyes to adjust to the sudden, sharp drop in light level.

I approached the woman, inquiring what assistance I might offer. She said she was there to pay her respects to an old acquaintance of hers who had passed away.

"Is the family here?" she inquired.

"No.", I responded. "They left a while ago and they didn't say when they'd be returning. Why don't I escort you into the visitation room, you can pay your respects, and when you're ready, come out here and sit with me and we'll see if the family returns."

In about five minutes, she returned to the front desk. I pulled up a chair for her right next to mine.

"Tell me, what did you do during your life?" I asked.

"Well," she responded, "I'm retired from the phone company. I've been retired for a number of years."

"What did you do for the phone company?"

"Oh, I started out as an operator right here in downtown Arlington before the war. (World War II) Of course, when I first started, being the newest operator, I was assigned the midnight shift. I remember getting to work at 11 PM, climbing the stairs to the room where the operators worked and then following the swing shift operators down the stairs and locking the door behind them as they left. Returning upstairs, I was the only operator on duty in Arlington, Texas until the next morning!"

"You must have some stories to tell", I responded.

"Oh, yes. One night - I'd been with the company just a few months - a call came in around two in the morning. The man on the other end of the line said, 'Connect me to the middle of the ocean.' Well, he was surely drunk, I thought. He was slurring his words and I didn't understand him."

"'I'm sorry, sir. Would you repeat that?', I said. 'Connect me to the middle of the ocean,' the man said, again, somewhat belligerently."

"Well, I was so flustered. I called my supervisor, an operator in Dallas. 'I've got a man on the phone who wants to be connected to the 'middle of the ocean.' He must be drunk.' I said, 'Patch him through to me and I'll see if I can help him.' the supervisor said."

"What happened?" I asked.

"Well, a few hours later, the supervisor called back. 'You remember that man who wanted you to connect him to the 'middle of the ocean'? she asked."

"'Yes', I responded."

"'He wanted you to connect him to MIDLOTHIAN!'"