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NUFF SAID
Dec 1, 2007 | 4:19 PM PST
Category:
Political
Hillary Clinton said that her childhood dream was to be
an Olympic athlete. But she was not athletic enough. She said she wanted to be
an astronaut, but at the time they didn't take women. She said she wanted to go
into medicine, but hospitals made her woozy. Should she be telling people this
story? I mean she's basically saying she wants to be president because she can't
do anything else.
--Jay Leno
"Well, the big story -- Hillary Clinton
will be running for president in 2008. You know why I think she's running? I
think she finally wants to see what it's like to sleep in the president's
bed."
--Jay Leno
"Top Democrats have mixed feelings about Sen.
Hillary Clinton running for president. Apparently, some Democrats don't like the
idea, while others hate it."
--Conan O'Brien
"In a fiery spee ch
this weekend, Hillary Clinton wondered why President Bush can't find the tallest
man in Afghanistan. Probably for the same reason she couldn't find the fattest
intern under the desk."
--Jay Leno
"Former President Bill Clinton
said that if his wife, Hillary, is elected president, he will do whatever she
wants. You know Bill Clinton -- when he makes a vow to Hillary, you can take
that to the bank."
- -Jay Leno
A student from the University of
Washington has sold his soul on eBay for $400. He's a law student, so he
probably doesn't need it, but still, that's not very much. Today, Hillary Clinton
said, 'Hey, at least I got some furniture and a Senate seat for mine."
--Jay
Leno
"Hillary Clinton said today that she wants legislatio n to allow
all ex-felons to vote. See, this way all the Clinton's former business partners
can vote for her in 2008."
--Jay Leno
Hillary Clinton's 506-page
memoirs have come out. So much of her personality shines through that in the end
you, too, will want to sleep with an intern."
-- Craig Kilborn
In
Hillary Clinton's new book 'Living History,' Hillary details what it was like
meeting Bill Clinton, falling in love with him, getting married, and living a
passionate, wonderful life as husband and wife. Then on page two, the trouble
starts."
-- Jay Leno
"In the book, she says when Bill told her he
was having an affair, she said "I could hardly breathe, I was gulping for air.
"No, I'm sorry, that's what Monica said."
-- David Letterman
"Last
night, Senator Hillary Clinton hosted her first party in her new home in
Washington. People said it was a lot like the parties she used to host at the
White House. In fact, even the furniture was the same."
-- Jay
Leno
"Senator Hillary Clinton is attacking President Bush for breaking
his campaign promise to cut carbon dioxide emissions, saying a promise made, a
promise broken. And then out of habit, she demanded that Bush spend the night on
the couch."
-- Craig Kilborn&nb sp;
"CNN found that Hillary
Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's
strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat
and get away with it."
-- Jay Leno
"Hillary Clinton is the junior
senator from the great state of New York. When they swore her in, she used the
Clinton family Bible. . .the one with only seven commandments."
--David
Letterman
Ransom
Nov 27, 2007 | 5:45 PM PST
Category:
Political
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into downtown Chicago.
Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window.
The
driver rolls down his window and asks, 'What happened, what's the hold
up?'
'Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton,
Rosie O'Donnell,
Jesse
Jackson, and Al
Sharpton.
They are asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise, they
are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going
from car to car, taking up a collection.'
The driver asks, 'On average,
how much is everyone giving?''About a gallon.'
I think I'll give
two.
