fretfall's Blog

I will light one for my sisters baby that was called to be a star in heaven earlier this year.

Wow. I deal with this daily. I lost 2 pregnancies, but it is so different being on the other side.

Just last week, a woman came in - only 20 weeks pregnant (24 weeks is considered the minimum age of viability). While I was asking her about her history, the doctor began to do a speculum exam, and we were all instantly covered with water - her bag of water. The baby's feet were right there. They had been there for a while. As a nurse, you feel so helpless. She was screaming to me to save her baby, stop the delivery, etc. I could do nothing.

I made her a box with a photo, footprints, and an outfit identical to the one I used in the photo (the one I used got messy). I put the "footprints" passage in the box, as well as several books on how to deal with loss. I tied the box, and told her that when she felt ready to face the grief, she could. Or, she could choose to keep the box closed forever. It was her choice - but she shouldn't have to make that decision now.

I don't think many realize how many pregnancies are lost every year. I am sure the number is staggering. We see at least 2 or 3 a month - at all stages of pregnancy. Last week alone, I had 3.

But, I tell all the same thing - if God had wanted this baby to be here on earth with you, he would have allowed it. I tell them they MUST trust that God needed that baby in heaven at that moment - maybe even to watch over them. Regardless of our plans, God knew when he was going to take that baby from the beginning. We are the ones that make plans for the arrival - because we were simply unaware of G

Thank you Mummsie :-)

PA, I'm deeply sorry for your sister's loss. My prayers go out to her.

Sis, thanks :-)

IS, I am deeply sorry for your losses as well. I'm sure they are looking down at you and smiling. I have that same box. It's a sea foam green color. It holds his gown they nurses dressed him in. It still faintly smells like baby powder and Johnsons & Johnsons baby shampoo. I still have a hard time walking through the cereal aisle in Kroger, as half is cereal and the other half, baby stuff. The smells just take me back to that time. That box has a lock of his hair, his hand/feet prints and a card. There are three poloroids that I still cannot look at to this day. The nurse took them after Isaac was gone. Those images of him blue and lifeless, haunted me for months afterwards. I go through the box, but the three pictures remain face down. I also made a box. Bought a wood box from Michael's and painted it blue. Stenciled his full name and dates. Inside contains all the pictures I have, his first outfit--a white sleepr, a pacifier. I lined the inside of it with a baby blanket. I treasure that box the most. It doesn't make me sad to look through it. I am not sad even now. I have moments, but I know how blessed I was to have him for the time I did. :-)

The box from the hospital helped...LATER. It was overwhelming when they handed it to me. The pictures though, I am still, almost 4 years later, disturbed by them. I held him, I knew how he felt. How his breathing and color changed. And the pictures just bring back those images. I think for a mom and dad who held their child through the last moments, it can be very difficult to look at the pictures of their baby dead. I think the other contents, the hair and foorprints and outfit though...I think that helped deal a little easier. I think it was a month before I looked inside that box. I know it's hard on nurses that lose babies. We were on the 6th floor of Children's and afterwards, I hugged the nurses and told them thank you. I told one girl who took it hard that she did a wonderful job and I was blessed to have her with us. That it takes a special person handpicked from God to do what they do. She just cried. We hugged for a long time. One nurse said they put critical infants on the first floor. They were not used to losing babies on that floor. I felt for them...because I know it has to hurt inside for them.

I think the box was wonderful, but the pictures of the baby after he/she has passed on, might be difficult to see. Some may not be bothered by it. I have a photographic memory...and I just don't want to see those poloroids.