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by illusions from Dallas, Texas

Last Post 229 days, 5 hours Ago


UPS Airlines Fix the Problems
Apr 12, 2008 | 2:18 PM
Category: News
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UPS Airlines

Just in case you need a laugh:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.


By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
 
16 Comments |  Add a Comment

Member Comments Total Comments: 16
Page 1 of 1
The_Informant read my blog view my photos
Apr 12, 2008 | 2:32 PM

I'm beginning to think you have a duct tape fetish Illusions.
illusions read my blog view my photos
Apr 12, 2008 | 2:44 PM

**snickers**

Photobucket
BloggingYaddaYadda read my blog view my photos
Apr 12, 2008 | 3:16 PM

Your report button is way too small you need to make it alot bigger.
As they say everything is bigger in Texas. ;-)

Have a nice day.
~BYY
Bellafisk read my blog view my photos
Apr 12, 2008 | 6:15 PM

Been awhile since I've seen this one. Like the one "aircraft handles funny". They are all good though.
illusions read my blog view my photos
Apr 12, 2008 | 6:17 PM

Thought I'd post it with all the airline crapola going on.
Bellafisk read my blog view my photos
Apr 12, 2008 | 6:46 PM

Boy ain't that the truth!!!

I did one earlier about American's rates going up. Wonder why???? duh.

A friend of mine was suppose to go to Florida Wednesday. Flight cancelled. Moved it to Thursday, flight cancelled. Possibility of her getting out Saturday but at this point she is probably going to postpone her trip.
Terrell_Trash_Mom read my blog
Apr 12, 2008 | 8:07 PM

Hey guys

Can you believe what those people said to me on Sal's blog? Man on man, they were so mean to me.

I think I am going to go cry now. Or maybe I will just make up some more lies. That sounds like more fun.
The_Informant read my blog view my photos
Apr 12, 2008 | 8:22 PM

TTM lets forget all about it.

I'll bring over my pirate VHS tapes of "Dukes of Hazzard" I got at the flea market last week.

And a bottle of Jack.

What do ya say?
illusions read my blog view my photos
Apr 12, 2008 | 9:10 PM

I have some "Easy Nights" wine from 1980 I can bring...........
illusions read my blog view my photos
Apr 12, 2008 | 9:11 PM

Are you my alter terrell?
Terrell_Trash_Mom read my blog
Apr 12, 2008 | 9:43 PM

I am me. And only me.

I got a box of wine I can bring.

Maybe I even got a bottle of Boones Hill. I save a bottle of that for really special occasions.
illusions read my blog view my photos
Apr 12, 2008 | 9:46 PM

tsk tsk, you KNOW you will be blamed as being my alter, or me yours. Please deal with it responsibly, and don't take 3 Prozacs at one time.
Terrell_Trash_Mom read my blog
Apr 12, 2008 | 9:56 PM

Alter shmalter.

It's time to party. Go get me my box of wine and my plastic cup from Dickey's.

Maybe we can play naked twister after we get good and drunk.
illusions read my blog view my photos
Apr 12, 2008 | 10:15 PM

do you like easy nights? lmao
Terrell_Trash_Mom read my blog
Apr 12, 2008 | 10:27 PM

Sounds fancy.

Does it have a screw cap or cork?

I only drink from screw cap bottles.
illusions read my blog view my photos
Apr 13, 2008 | 2:23 AM

I am sorry. I had to laugh, MY bag only came with udders, and sally took me to vegas for a (nevermind(
Page 1 of 1


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illusions

Originally from "way up North", I moved to Dallas about 2 1/2 years ago. I have discovered that where I am from and Dallas are completely different in regards to values, work ethics, and general way of life. That's all I will say for now, as to not *piss off* the masses! Perhaps I will get to that in a blog eventually, or, perhaps not. Oh, and as you'll see, I usually have an opinion on everything...............
......:)

Member Since: 2/23/2008


 

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