Dec 21, 2007 | 8:47 AM
Category:
Entertainment
Dear Wife:
>
> I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you
>for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have
>nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss
>called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the
>last straw.
> Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a
new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair
>of silk boxers. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight
to sleep after watching all of your soaps.
> You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore
>or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore,
>whatever the case is, I'm gone.
> Your EX-Husband
>
> P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to
> West Virginia together! Have a great life!
>
> Dear Ex-Husband:
>
> Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
>It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a
>good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much
>because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that
>doesn't work.
>
> I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, the first thing
>that came to mind was "You look just like a girl!"
>but my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything
>nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me
>confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
>
> I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on
>because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a
>coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that
>morning ... And your silk boxers were $49.99.
>
> After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it
>out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million
>dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica . But when I
got home you were gone.
>Everything happens for a reason I guess.
>
> I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer
>said that with the letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me.
>So take care.
>
> Signed
>Rich As H_e_l_l and Free!
>
> P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was
>born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
