Skootzkitty's Litter Box of Stuff

So, today is my first day of not smoking. I decided it was time to quit. Why?  Well there is a story involved – so sit back, grab a sammich and a beer and make yourself comfy:

My mother, who was my best friend and my staunchest supporter in my life, died 4 years ago 05 May. It was pretty sudden and left me feeling quite lost at 42. My mom was this awesome Scots/Irish woman. She was maybe 5 feet tall but made up for it with her personality. She was an amazing cook [actually chef if truth be told but without any formal training], a wonderful wife and a great mom. She had an undetected blood clot in her leg that traveled to her lung. One day she passed out in the bathroom, smacked her head on the vanity and in that brief moment it was discovered she lost about 75% capacity in her lung. She couldn’t breathe after that time without oxygen, couldn’t walk any distance without exhaustion. My mom, who had always been a whirlwind, was a shadow of herself and it broke my heart. I mean, she was still mom, just not MOM, you know?  Last time I saw her was Yule before she died and I had promised to come back for a visit my birthday in July. She died before I could keep my promise, 4 days before Mothers Day. My mom never smoked, never drank, never did anything BAD. Every year at this time I still feel the loss so bad I cry …. Yes I miss my mommy! I am not ashamed to admit that. So long story short - I had told myself I would quit smoking at her funeral – after all I have been smoking for years and I knew she didn’t like it. But I am a total black sheep: I smoke, I drink, I am divorced, I have tattoos and metal, I live in ‘sin’ and I am not Christian. So, it was part rebellion on my part but a rebellion that could kill me in time. Luckily thru genes of my birth parents I suppose, I am blessed enough by Fate to have almost NO major ill effects. I don’t get bronchitis, I don’t have smokers hack, my lungs are extremely clear for all the abuse amazingly. Aside from sinus issues, and not being able to REALLY taste food, I am pretty lucky. But I wasn’t READY. But for some reason, coming up on 4 years after I made that promise to myself [promises to yourself seem MUCH harder to keep than promises to others, ever notice that? I guess because you can’t disappoint yourself and see THAT look. You know the look I know you do], I decided it was time. I kind of wavered in my resolve yesterday on the way home in stopping to get the ‘gum’ to help. I almost didn’t but thought ‘BLEEP! C’mon! Buck up and do it!’ So into Walgreens I went and WOW! They had the store brand on sale! If that isn’t a sign from the gods I don’t know what is! So here I sit, on my second piece for the day, which is pretty good for having gotten up at 0430 and it is 0904 as I type this line. Wish me luck! Prayers are good too - they are all one in the end  

{Oh side note: Fox needs a ‘LIFE’ blog section. This isn’t really in the parameters of 'Faith' but it could be if I follow up with the side effects …… well maybe not. I’d scare you I’m sure [wink]}