tallone66's Blog

The Man Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys' side of the story
( I must admit, it's pretty good)

 

 

We always hear

'the rules'
From the female side

Now here are the rules from the male side

 

 

These are our rules!

Please note... they are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!

 

1.   Men are NOT mind readers.

1.    Learn to work the toilet seat.   You're a big girl.   If it's up, put it down.   We need it up, you need it down.   You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1.    Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.   Let it be.

1.    Crying is blackmail.

1.    Ask for what you want.   Let us be clear on this one!  Subtle hints do not work!  Strong hints do not work!  Obvious hints do not work!   Just say it!

1.    Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1.   Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.   That's what we do.   Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1.    Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.   In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1.    If you think you're fat, you probably are.  Don't ask us.

1.    If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1.   You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done.   Not both.   If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1.    Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1.    Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1.    ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.   Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color.   Pumpkin is also a fruit.   We have NO idea what mauve is.

1.    If it itches, it will be scratched.  We do that.

1.    If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.  We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

 

1.    If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1.   When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really!

1.    Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, sex, hooters, or golf.

1.    You have enough clothes.

1.   You have too many shoes.

1.    I am in shape.    Round IS a shape!  Straight IS a shape! Flat IS a shape!

1.   Thank you for reading this.   Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that?   It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.

this is the best i herd in weeks i_s warning do not drink before reading this lol

I went grocery shopping recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'You're definitely going to BLEEP yourself' chili. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your BLEEP cheeks WILL fall off.

Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I appeared to be unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my next door neighbors as thunder and lightning.

Knowing that a time of reckoning had to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for the market; a local Wal-Mart grocery store that I often haunt in search of tasty tidbits.

Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the pain hit me. Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that 'Uh oh, gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different.

The habaneras in the chili from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The peppers fired a warning shot.

There I stood, alone in the spice and baking aisle, suddenly enveloped in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as an elderly woman turned into it.

I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what her reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate, as she walked into it unsuspecting. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate.

I could've warned that poor woman but didn't. I simply watched as she walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all she could do before gathering her senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving her arms about her head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then it made me laugh. Big Mistake.

Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.

Suddenly things were no longer funny. It was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand mal assplosion took place.

Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my BLEEP is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, 'Sonofabitch!', then quickly left.

Once finished I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.'

That of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.

Home again without having shopped, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Albertson's.



I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter. Bastards claim they're going to have to repaint the store!

Kids Are Quick !!!
 
TEACHER:   Maria, go to the map and find North America
MARIA:      Here it is.
TEACHER:  Correct. Now class, who discovered   America ?
CLASS:       Maria.
____________________________________
 
TEACHER:  John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN:         You told me to do it without using tables.
__________ ________________________________
TEACHER:  Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN:      K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN:      Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________________
TEACHER:  Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD:    H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER:  What are you talking about?
DONALD:    Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER:  Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE:       Me!
__________________________________________

TEACHER:  Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN:         Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER:    Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE:          I is..
TEACHER:   No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE:         All right..  'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'    
_________________________________
TEACHER:   George Washington not only chopped down his father's   cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS:        Because George still had the axe in his hand.  
______________________________________
   
TEACHER:  Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON:      No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
 
TEACHER:   Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.   Did you copy his?
CLYDE :      No, sir.  It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER:     Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD:       A teacher .

i wanted to share  with you all  its amazing how some can just  do things like this  just goes to tell you  anything is possable

http://www.flixxy.com/extraordinary-people-seeing-
without-eyes.htm

ok i knowtice  something about this story

 the police  was looking for these pepole  burning up our  cars and  they put some cars out

now one of thers got burned and  all of a sudden  they put more cars out and even an eye in the sky

to me it seems like we hard woking for our stuff pepole  dont matter much until its the police are afected

isnt that  suposed to be the outher way around? are they not suposed to protect us and proptery? 

this is just my opion maby it would of stoped  way before now if they would of done  things this way to begain with

i had to tell you all this

first  me and my gf moved here two years agao because her job moved us here  

now rember i said  two years agao

 sat i went to get the mail  i looked and saw  part of the addy on it and it said from united states district court

i said  dang again i just  had gotton out of one now i got anouther this year then i opened it and saw  that it was for  the eastern distrci of michigan  the city of detroit it is in

now  the kicker is it did not have my old addy in michigan on it but my one here in dallas texas

 i am still in shock  over this opne  has got to be the  dumbest thing in the world like what they going to give me  money to get there and back and hotel lol  ill call them today  and let you know what they say  i just had to share  with all of you

update

i called and they said it was suposed to kick me out  but for some reason it didnt   they had said to fill it out and where it says do you live in michigan  check th box no and the next one no  also

i was like  daaaaaa oh and i_s i added mmbath just for you he said what i said exalty lmao

article that aol is showing today read below especially 3rd one listed.

Ubiquitous 20th Century Brands That Will Disappear Several brands which were extremely powerful during the last few decades are about to disappear. Many of them no longer drive big sales. Some are a part of companies that are in trouble. Some are part of industries which are falling apart. Big brands disappear all the time. Sometimes we simply miss their passing. Cingular Wireless was on most Top 100 brands lists. Once AT&T (T) took over BellSouth, it dropped Cingular completely. Compaq was one of the most visible PC brands in the world. It began to fade away after it was bought by Hewlett-Packard (HPQ). The IBM PC brand, one of the original PC brands, no longer exists since it was acquired by Lenovo, a Chinese company, several years ago. Here is a list of brands, most over them a decade old, and some much older, which are likely to go away in the next year or two.

XM Satellite Radio (NASDAQ: XMSR) will disappear either in a merger with Sirius (NASDAQ: SIRI) the acquiring company will use its brand for both services or because without a merger XM may not make it. The company has over $1.2 billion in long-term debt. XM has always been the service with the largest number of subscribers. The XM brand could begin to disappear a few months after the potential marriage is complete.

E*Trade (NASDAQ: ETFC) has survived in a discount brokerage business where a number of famous brands, like Quick & Reilly, have gone away because of mergers. For the time being, management at the company says it does not want to sell out, but the firm's $12 billion in home equity loan exposure may make staying independent impossible. The most likely buyers of E*Trade would be TDAmeritrade (NASDAQ:AMTD) and Schwab (NASDAQ: SCHW). It would be ironic if a discount broker brand disappears because it was scuttled by its mortgage business but the housing crisis does things like that.

K-Mart is one of the two big brands at Sears Holdings (NASDAQ: SHLD), Eddie Lampert's failing retail play. Based on same store sales for last year, K-Mart is the less successful of the two retail operations. Spending to promote K-Mart and Sears may cost more that the holding company can afford. It certainly makes sense to kill off the K-Mart name and re-label all of the stores with Sears. It could save hundreds of millions in promotion dollars every year.
Dodge is part of the Chrysler company which was recently bought out by private equity firm Cerberus. Chrysler management has already said that the company has too many brands and too many dealers. It is trying to cope with a vicious downturn in the US auto market. Keeping a car brand means huge advertising and marketing costs and product development. Dodge vehicles will probably be re-branded as Chrysler and Dodge will go the way of the Dodo.
Circuit City (NYSE: CC) has been synonymous with electronics retail, but companies like Best Buy (NYSE: BBY) and Wal-Mart (NYSE: WMT) have brought too much marketing muscle and wholesale buying power to the industry. Outside investors are already circling Circuit City trying to "improve shareholder value". That means that there is a good chance the chain will be sold. The price of the company's shares has already dropped from over $30 less than two years ago to just over $4. Best Buy could be the most logical buyer by keeping the locations that do well and closing the rest. Virtually all the merchandising, management, and public company costs would go away as would the Circuit City brand.
Gateway was recently bought by Taiwan PC firm Acer. Some investors may not remember when Gateway was considered a peer of both Dell (NASDAQ: DELL) and Compaq. In 1993, Gateway was in the Fortune 500.  Acer will not keep the Gateway brand and its own. The dual promotion costs are too high. Starting soon you will be buying an Acer PC online or at your electronics retailer.
Vonage (NYSE: VG) almost invented VoIP. It certainly made it popular. Then cable companies began to market the service to existing customers and much of the "first mover" advantage Vonage had went away. Patent suits from companies like Verizon (NYSE: VZ) and other big telecom companies bled away most of the cash that Vonage raised in its IPO. Two years ago, the stock was above $17. Now it trades at under $2. Vonage still loses money. One the large cable companies is likely to take over the Vonage customer list and let the brand disappear.
Yahoo! (NASDAQ: YHOO) is still trying to keep itself out of the hands of Microsoft (NASDAQ: MSFT), but with a $31 offer and no other bidders even close, Redmond is going to take over. Microsoft is not generous about letting other brands have the limelight. Yahoo!'s brand will last while the e-mail and instant message operations are integrated, but soon enough it will all be MSN.
Old Navy is one of Gap's (NYSE: GPS) three brands and it is the one that is pulling down overall sales at the big clothing company. Old Navy has a little over one thousand outlets. Maintaining the costs of separate buying, marketing, and management costs just isn't worth it. Soon, the Old Navy stores will just be Gaps.
Countrywide (NYSE: CFC) had an operation on almost every street corner, or so it seemed. The mortgage bank would give almost anyone a home loan.They were not so generous when foreclosure time came around. Bank of America (NYSE: BAC) is buying Countrywide. The CFC brand has so much negative baggage and such a poor image that BAC will be smart and quickly put its name on all of the Countrywide branches.
Motorola (NYSE: MOT) is still likely to sell its large handset unit to someone. It simply loses too much money and it is dragging the company under, As Motorola's stock price drops, the amount it will take for its handset operation will drop. LG, Sony Ericsson, or Samsung are probable buyers at some price, and that price gets more affordable as Motorola's global market share drops. That Motorola phone is likely to be called an LG handset sometime next year. Douglas A. McIntyre 

Noah in 2008.

In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.

"Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

"Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

"When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.

"They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

"Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

"Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.

"The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

the last one was my fav enjoy them and have a great weekend

 

She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful
> eyes of her young granddaughter as she'd done many times before.
> After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one
> said, "But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!"
>
>
>
> #####
>
>
>
> My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday.
> He asked me how old I was, and I told him, "62." He was quiet for a
> moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
>
>
>
> #####
>
>
>
> After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into
> old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As
> she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her
> patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and
> stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern
> warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say
> with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
>
>
>
> #####
>
>
>
> A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own
> childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a
> swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We
> rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little
> girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure
> wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
>
>
>
> #####
>
>
>
> My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you
> know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while
> I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.
>
>
>
> #####
>
>
>
> A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word
> processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he
> asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
>
>
>
> #####
>
>
>
> I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I
> decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color
> it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for
> me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely,
> "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these
> yourself!"
>
>
>
> #####
>
>
>
> When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept
> the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky
> insects still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did,
> Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after
> us with flashlights."
>
>
>
> #####
>
>
>
> When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not
> sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised. "mine says I'm four
> to six."
>
>
>
> #####
>
>
>
> A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother,
> "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The
> grandmother, more
> than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she
> said, "how do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl.
> "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
>
>
>
> #####
>
>
>
> Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence using the word "Pregnant", said a
> teacher.  The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder
> pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't
> you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy
> confidently. "It meanVs carrying a child."
>
>
>
> #####
>
>
>
> A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of
> kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the
> front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started
> discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back,"
> said one child. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." A
> third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs,"
> she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants...

i seen and herd alote about  being forced to learn spanish and a few outher things

so i decied to give  my two cents

 forcing  children to learn spanish

did we move accross the border to mexico?

i dont think so

you need to force them to learn english  i seen that race they have  around the world and not one of them have an easy time in the difernt contries unless the team knows the lanauge of the contry they are in  i could see maby one the border but then you just need to know get off my land

next pepole crying about red light camerias and the new thing  them lazers that tell you how far away you are from the car in front

i just say  red meens stop and if you stop the state doesnt get any money from you and

 BACK OFF my butt unless you have a thing for me and  want to see me better take a pic and  look at it  latter no need to be so close anyways

well thats just some latter ill give more and you all have great day