TJ's Blog

Since the news hit on Monday of the shootings at Virginia Tech, there has been mass speculation about why he did it - then NBC received the videos and pictures. And could the university have done more to prevent it? And did the roommates do enough, or say enough, when they noticed his disturbing behavior? Questions, questions, and more questions that will never be answered.

The one question that has been circling my brain is that of the shooter's family. Where are they? I mean, the mailman was interviewed, and said that the parents own, or work at, a dry cleaning business in the D.C. area, and that there are a couple of other kids. He said that they were quiet, kept to themselves, but were always very friendly. My heart went out to them this week, trying to consider the weight that must be heavy on them in knowing that not only have they lost their son, but that he is the one responsible for one of the most horrific events in our nation's history. I know that many will say that his parents have some responsibility for what happened and will deserve every ounce of hatred that is sure to be spewed upon them. But are they really? At what point do we, as parents, pass on the mantle of responsibility to our children? I mean, I don't know. When do we know that we have done our jobs to the best of our ability as parents, and we can then breathe a sigh of relief that we did it? That day never comes, does it?

Now, the 14 year old shooter in Frisco, I think that to some degree his parents are still responsible - aren't they? At 14, he is still growing, still learning, still being influenced by the world around him - including his parents. Did they not see any signs that this was coming, or were they just so clueless? I know that there are tons of clueless parents out there, because you hear of them all the time saying, "Ohmygod! I had no idea that Johnny was selling heroin at school! I really didn't!" This being after he had lost 50 pounds, started dressing differently, developed dark, sunken circles around his eyes - but they never noticed anything different. I look at my 15 year old son, and I still feel alot of responsibility for the actions he takes. Recently he did something stupid, and the other kid's parents were talking to me about it, and I felt like I was the one in trouble! But that is my job, to teach him when he makes dumb mistakes, right?

But the shooter in Virginia? He was 23 years old. Off at college. Making his own decisions, living on his own. Did his family even know about all of the mental illness in his recent history? He could have easily kept it all from them, because he WAS over 18 years old. Obviously there will be those who blame his family, and hold them responsible for his horrendous actions. Even now, his family is in protective custody of the Virginia authorities. They can't even really grieve this incredible loss privately, because every move they make will be publically scrutinized. Their lives are forever changed as well...they are different kinds of victims. (and no, I am not comparing them to their son's victims, so please, no dumb comments implying that I am)

Let me start this blog to comment on something from my previous blog.  I had started to make comments regarding gun legislation in this country, and decided that it was "for another blog."  Now I will readily admit that I am not completely and expertly up to speed on all of the gun laws.  I do, however, take notice when 2 teenage boys in Colorado were able to purchase assault rifles in order to shoot up their school.  I do, however, take notice when middle school boys somehow get their hands on guns in Paducah, Kentucky in order to shoot up their school.  I do, however, notice when a 14 year old Frisco teenager shoots another boy and walks our streets to tell about it.  I do, however, notice when an 8th grade girl takes a handgun to her private, Christian school in order to "protect" herself.  I have NEVER stated or even implied that the guns themselves are responsible for killings - that would be an ignorant, stupid thing to even think.  Guns can only be used in the hands that carry them.  But the fact that they are so readily available, either through family members within their home or another home, or through gun shows and the internet.  And the fact that we ARE allowed to buy one handgun per month?  That is frightening.  And the fact that the ONLY reason that the Virginia Tech shooter was able to purchase a gun is because when he was committed, he went voluntarily.  Had he been committed involuntarily, that would have gone on his record and he would not have passed the background check.  No, guns are not responsible.  And bathtubs are not responsible when people drown their children.  And knives are not responsible when someone stabs a victim.  How stupid when people make comments to that effect.  This doesn't mean that gun legislation in this country shouldn't be tighter and more regulated.  There doesn't seem to be nearly enough accountability for gun owners.

The other thing that I have noticed today is the backlash that the media is receiving for showing the killer's videos and pictures.  I read that many of the victim's families have cancelled interviews with NBC because of it....and I don't blame them.  By showing all of the footage of his confessionals, he is achieving exactly what he wanted - to be famous, historical.  Everybody now knows his face.  Everybody recognizes the hatred in his face, based on the words that came across on his video.  The media should be showing pictures and videos of those who were tragically murdered, not publicizing the perpetrator.  Even Barbara Walters said this morning that she called all of the 3 major news networks to ask why they were still playing the killer's video, and was told that they are planning to cut out most of the footage, as well as much of the audio feed.  But they're still planning on playing it some of the time, and showing his still photos.  Will this lead to copycats who will want to "one-up" this mentally deranged young man?  As I write, there is a manhunt in California - right NOW - for a 28 year old meth user who claimed today that he would make Virginia Tech look mild.  A whole city's school system is on lockdown.  People are once again frightened and unsure of how their day will end.  Copycat or coincidence?  And so it begins....

Over the past couple of days, I have been amazed at the outpouring of love, compassion, and empathy towards the victims of the Virginia Tech shootings.  I have also been equally amazed at the outpouring if ignorance by some, screaming in their blogs (and other people's blogs) about how stupid Rosie O'Donnell is for wanting gun control, and being saddened that another tragedy has occurred as a result of poor gun legislation.  I shake my head when I read the close-minded spewing about their second Amendment rights.  Whatever.  If this country did not need better gun legislation, then this 23 year old, mentally disturbed, WITH A RECORD I might add, might not have been able to purchase his guns after a 5 MINUTE background check.  He bought the first gun in February, and then bought the other gun 5 weeks ago - he followed the current GUN LAWS.  You are ONLY allowed to buy 1 handgun per month.  Interesting.  But that is another blog...

After I wrote my blog about the many April murder incidents in this country, and also listed some of the numbers of wounded/dead in Iraq, I got some snippy comments from people wanting to know how I could compare the two.  HOW CAN I COMPARE THE TWO??  My response to one was:  The events are all different (from bombings, to fire, to school shootings, to war).  But the LIVES are all the same.  It doesn't matter where they are from - their life was important.  It doesn't matter if they were unarmed and at school - their life was important.  It doesn't matter if they volunteered to go to war, or if they were a reservist who was sent there unprepared and untrained - their life was important.  And it doesn't even matter if they are all Americans, or here from other countries trying to achieve a better life, or if they are Iraqi citizens dying innocently by being caught in the crossfires - their lives were, and ARE, important. 

In looking at the newly emerging lists of the victims of Virginia Tech, it is a huge melting pot of cultures and nationalities.  Ryan Clark was African-American (or "brown-skinned" as my little boy says).  Minal Panchal was from India.  Juan Ortiz was from Puerto Rico.  Daniel Cueva was from Peru.  Liviu Librescu was a Romanian professor who was also a Holocaust survivor - I mean, can you imagine living through the hell of the Holocaust, only to find your end like this?  G.V. Loganathan was a professor from India, living in Virginia with his family.  Partahi Lumbantoruan was from Indonesia.  Reema Samaha was of Lebanese descent.  Just now, CNN has posted 5 more names, and among them, there is one guy from China and another guy from Egypt.  The shooter himself was originally from South Korea, and even HE had a family that will forever be changed by his actions.  Many other men and women.  All had a mother and father, at least initially.  Many had brothers and sisters.  Some had spouses and children.  Countless lives have been afftected. 

When it really comes down to what is important, we are all the same.  The people living in Iraq and Afghanistan are like us - they want happy homes, healthy children, and to be loved.  The people in Rwanda are also like us - they want to keep their families safe, they want to be able to provide for their own, and they want for their government to look out for them.  Perhaps if more of us could look at it that way, some of the ignorance might be quelched.  Perhaps.

**As I wrote this blog, I turned on CNN, to find out that there have been six separate bombings in Baghdad today.  There are 170 reported dead, and the number is rising.  There are 193 wounded.  Countless lives affected once again.

So it is one day later.  People are still sitting, dazed and confused, in front of their televisions and computers trying to figure out what the hell really happened yesterday.  The reasons and motivations behind the shootings at Virginia Tech yesterday are still not known; and there is still very little known about the shooter himself.

He was 23 years old.  A Senior with an English major.  He was a South Korean that has been here since 1992, raised in Washington, D.C. and his name was Cho Seung-Hui.  His picture is splashed across the internet and news, and will soon be plastered on every newspaper in the world probably.  He looks like a baby.  At 23 years old, how can someone have that much rage and anger?  It baffles the rational mind.  And I wonder.....after he went to the dorm where he got into a fight with a young woman, and shot her and the R.A. there, what happened next? 

Where was he during the two hour interim?  What was he doing?  What was he thinking?

I try to put myself into his shoes.  I walk into a dormitory, intent on having a confrontation with someone.  Maybe she isn't there.  Maybe someone else gets involved in what is clearly not their business.  The arguing elevates into yelling, and the R.A. of that floor comes out to see what the commotion is about.  I tell him to butt out, but he doesn't.  Before I realize what I'm doing, I have a gun out, and have pulled the trigger on both of them.  Is that what happened?  Anger gone unchecked?  Was it passion killing - triggered out of emotion and adrenaline?  OK, so let's just say that IS what happened.  Then what?  Did he stand over them, washed over with sorrow for the impulsiveness that has now ended his college career and will send him back to a Korean prison most likely?  There was a two hour time period where this boy - not possibly a man in most circumstances - was unaccounted for.  Did the overwhelming shift in his brain that caused him to take two lives in cold blood send him into a numbness that had him wandering aimlessly until he collected his thoughts again?  I wonder if he went into one of the dorm rooms of one of the dead and took a nap.  I mean, I would think that after the rage and explosion and such that he would have been spent....utterly exhausted.  Or did he find a quiet place and try to consider his next move.  Or did he already have, long before, a plan in place, and just wanted to take his time carrying it out.  Maybe he was enjoying watching the chaos that he knew he was creating.  Some people thrive on chaos.  I wonder if, during the interim, he sat and thought, "Well crap.  I have just shot two people and they are dead.  I can't go back to Korea.  I won't go to prison.  So if I'm going down, I might as well make it memorable and take as many as I can with me.  And then I will kill myself before anyone has a chance to get their hands on me."  For two hours, he was out there, somewhere, thinking about something.  I personally look at what IS known, and it doesn't seem random - at least not after the first two killed.  The fact that he went across campus to a specific building full of students and faculty, and chained the doors behind him when he went in to slow down anyone trying to get out or in, makes me believe that it was obviously calculated.  And he was wearing a vest with ammo on it.  And he had two guns.  And witnesses say that he shot like he knew what he was doing; and he reloaded like someone with experience.  And doctors say that most of the dead had multiple gunshot wounds - looking like an execution of sorts.

Most of us don't want to believe that it was calculated and planned out for weeks and months before.  Just like when Columbine happened, none of us knew for weeks that those two had planned it out for a very long time beforehand - and that was shocking revelation.  At 23 years old, what kind of twisted trauma must have been inflicted on this boy to make his mind have such a shift?  Who helped make him a monster that no longer had any use for human life?  What demons haunted him....tormented him.....to where this seemed like the most reasonable end? 

And what could have happened different during that two hour interim that could have possibly changed the outcome?  In retrospect I realize it is hard to say, and no one will really ever have these answers. 

(Written April 16, 2007 - evening):

Today brought back chilling memories of several other Aprils in history that I can recall.  It seems that no matter how much we insulate ourselves, no matter what safety drills we go through and precautionary measures we take, if someone wants to take out a random group of people - then our time might just be up.  April doesn't seem to be a good month in history as far as mass murder (I guess there never really is a good month for it though, huh?).  But let's look at a few facts:

1.  Waco Siege:  This one was first (well, as far as I can tell it was the first major killing in April that we would remember).  David Koresh had a 51-day standoff with FBI and a bunch of other law enforcement agencies, and it ended on April 19, 1993.  In the end, 79 were dead - 21 of which were children.  It was awful.  I remember watching on TV as their compound was set on fire and most of them burned alive inside.  Horrible. 

2.  Oklahoma City Bombing:  This one was planned as a retaliation.  Timothy McVeigh and Terry whats-his-name were pissed off about the Waco thing still, and full of conspiracy theories, so they planned to show the world.  They blew up the Murrah Federal Building in downtown Oklahoma City on the anniversary of Waco (April 19, 1995), killing 168 and wounding hundreds of others.  I remember getting phone calls at my job within minutes of the bombing.  It was chaos - there, here, everywhere.  Again, flashbacks to Waco.  Flashbacks to extremists willing to let their imaginations ruin so many lives.

3.  Columbine High School Shooting:  This one shocked the nation, because even though there had been some school shootings prior, this one was deliberate and planned and vicious.  The date was April 20, 1999 - deliberately chosen the date one day AFTER Waco and Oklahoma City so that they would be remembered all on their own.  That's messed up.  These two boys that went on the shooting rampage killed 13 and then themselves, making the total 15.  So unnecessary.

4.  Virginia Tech Massacre:  Today.  April 16, 2007.  The worst shooting incident in history.  It happened this morning.  Of course nobody ever expects these kinds of things to happen.  The students didn't go to class thinking that this was their day to die - they were trying to just get through a test.  The professors didn't go to campus thinking that they would never go home again - they were just trying to do their jobs.  And this dude snapped.  Went to the dorms first, killed his girlfriend and an R.A.  Took a two hour break and started up again over in another building full of classrooms.  All in all, he killed 32, them himself, and wounded another twenty-something more.  Tragic.  Shocking.  America is in mourning and shock. 

But, here is my question:  Why do we not exhibit this same shock and horror and sadness over the loss of American life every day in Iraq?  or those who come home wounded because they got trapped in the middle of a civil war?  Here are some other interesting facts that don't get near as much airtime as the major events that I have listed above:

1.  Total U.S. Deaths in Iraq:  3308 (as of 4/16/2007)

2.  Total Wounded (no air transport needed):  24,314

3.  Total Wounded (medical air transport needed):  26, 188

4.  Total U.S. Deaths in Iraq from 4/1-4/16/2007:  61

 Sixty-one American soldiers have died in the past 16 days in Iraq.  That is almost twice as many as were killed at Virginia Tech this morning.  Don't they deserve the same shock and mourning?  Weren't their lives cut short just as unexpectedly as those students and faculty at the university?  I'm sure that these soldiers' families all expected them home eventually, just as the families of the students and faculty expected them home for dinner, or home for summer break. 

I guess I just don't understand how the television can be completely taken over for an entire day when something like today's shooting happens - not that I mind at all.  It helps people understand and try to make sense of it.  It is coping.  I just think that our soldiers who are giving up their lives for us every day deserve a day or two of complete televised takeover.  To help people understand what is really going on over there.  We don't really know, now do we?  To help America try to make sense of it all.  To cope.  To mourn.  To honor.  Or just to even know.